This Cracked Me Right Up

Discussion in 'Funny Farm' started by Hipster Doofus, Jun 18, 2002.

  1. Hipster Doofus

    Hipster Doofus Good grief Charlie Brown

    Melbourne Australia

    "I don't diet. I just don't eat as much as I'd like to."
    - Linda Evangelista, Supermodel

    "He's a guy who gets up at six o'clock in the morning regardless of what time it is."
    - Lou Duva, veteran boxing trainer, on the Spartan training regime of heavyweight Andrew Golota.

    "Pitching is 80% of the game. The other half is hitting and fielding."
    - Mickey Rivers, baseball player

    "If only faces could talk..."
    - Pat Summerall, Sportscaster, during the Super Bowl

    "Solutions are not the answer."
    - Richard Nixon, former U.S. President

    "A bachelor's life is no life for a single man."
    - Samuel Goldwyn

    "SAFETY FIRST: Please put on your seat belt - prepare for accident."
    - Sign on backseat of Taxi

    "If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again."
    - Terry Venables

    "I have a God-given talent. I got it from my dad."
    - Julian Wakefield, Missouri basketball player

    "I do not like this word "bomb." It is not a bomb. It is a device that is exploding."
    - Jacques le Blanc, French ambassador on nuclear weapons

    "I cannot tell you how grateful I am -- I am filled with humidity."
    - Gib Lewis, speaker of the Texas House

    "I have opinions of my own --strong opinions-- but I don't always agree with them."
    - George Bush, former U.S. President

    "It is white."
    - George W. Bush, when asked what the White house was like by a student in East London

    "If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight."
    - George Gobel

    "The world is more like it is now then it ever has before."
    - Dwight Eisenhower

    "I haven't committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the law."
    - David Dinkins, New York City Mayor, answering accusations that he failed to pay his taxes.

    "Strangely, in slow motion replay, the ball seemed to hang in the air for even longer."
    - David Acfield

    "It's time for the human race to enter the solar system!"
    - Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice President on the concept of a manned mission to Mars

    "China is a big country, inhabited by many Chinese."
    - Charles De Gaulle, former French President

    "Football players win football games."
    - Chuck Knox, football coach

    "Most cars on our roads have only one occupant, usually the driver."
    - Carol Malia, BBC Anchorwoman

    "You guys line up alphabetically by height."
    - Bill Peterson, Florida State football coach

    "Men, I want you just thinking of one word all season. One word and one word only: Super Bowl."
    - Bill Peterson, football coach

    "The internet is a great way to get on the net."
    - Bob Dole, Republican presidential candidate

    "How to store your baby walker: First, remove baby."
    - Anonymous Manufacturer

    "Sure there have been injuries and deaths in boxing - but none of them serious."
    - Alan Minter, Boxer

    "I think that the film Clueless was very deep. I think it was deep in the way that it was very light. I think lightness has to come from a very deep place if it's true lightness."
    - Alicia Silverstone, Actress

    and if he wasn't in third position, he'd be winning this race!
    - Murray Walker

    :D :D :D
  2. Hipster Doofus

    Hipster Doofus Good grief Charlie Brown

    Melbourne Australia
    Found some more

    Murray Walker Quotes

    "And now excuse me while I interrupt myself..."

    "Tambay's hopes, which were previously nil, are now absolutely zero."

    "I've just stopped my startwatch."

    "That was exactly the same place where Senna overtook Nannini that he didn't overtake Alain Prost."

    "A mediocre season for Nelson Piquet, as he is now known, and always has been."

    "Martin Schanche's car is absolutely unique except for the one behind, which is identical."

    "Two laps to go, then the action will begin. Unless this is the action, which it is."

    "The young Ralf Schumacher has been upstaged by the teenager Jenson Button, who is 20."

    "It's a sad ending albeit a happy one here at Montreal for today's grand prix."

    "The first four cars are both on the same tyres."

    "Unless I'm very much mistaken... yes, I AM very much mistaken."

    "There's nothing wrong with the car except it's on fire."

    "With the race half gone there is half the race still to go."

    "I imagine the conditions in those cars are totally unimaginable."

    "The atmosphere is so tense you could cut it with a cricket stump."

    "Prost can see Mansell in his earphones."

    "Either that car is stationary or it is on the move."

    "And now the boot is on the other Schumacher."

    "Do my eyes deceive me or is Senna's car sounding a bit rough?"

    "Damon Hill is leading. Behind him are the second and third men."

    "There's only a second between them. One. Thats how long a second is."

    "There is no doubt in my mind that if the race had been 46 laps instead of 45 it would have been a McLaren first and second. But it didn't so it wasn't."

    "And it's Mansell, Mansell, Mansell... Nigel Mansell." [it was actually Alain Prost]

    "He's obviously gone in for a wheel change. I say obviously because I can't see it."

    "Anything happens in grand prix racing and it usually does."

    "Alboreto has dropped back up to fifth place."

    "He is shedding buckets of adrenaline in that car."

    Murray: "What's that? There's a body on the track!"
    James Hunt: "Um, I think that that is a piece of bodywork from someone's car."

    Murray: "There's a fiery glow coming from the back of the Ferrari."
    James Hunt: "No Murray, that's his rear safety light."

    "And the first five places are filled by five different cars."

    "You can't see a digital clock because there isn't one."

    "And we've had five races so far this year - Brazil, Argentina, Imola, Schumacher and Monaco."

    "And Damon Hill is coming into the pit lane, yes it's Damon Hill coming into the Williams pit and Damon Hill is in the pit, no it's Michael Schumacher."

    "As you look at the first four, the significant thing is that Alboreto is fifth."

    "I can't imagine what kind of problem Senna has. I imagine it must be some sort of grip problem."

    "And this is the third placed car about to lap the second placed car."

    Murray: "So Bernie, in the seventeen years since you bought McLaren, which of your many achievements do you think was the most memorable?"
    Bernie Ecclestone: "Well I don't remember buying McLaren."

    "Andrea de Cesaris... The man who has won more grand prix than anyone else without actually winning one of them."

  3. Alan

    Alan its only fun

    In a house

    Murray Walker

    He is de best:D :D
  4. Sazar

    Sazar F@H - Is it in you? Staff Member Political User Folding Team

    Between Austin and Tampa
    there was something jason kidd said too... can't remmeber the EXACT words... but after a losing season at phoenix... he said something along the lines of

    "this season stank... we have to come out with a new mindset next season and turn this team around 360 degrees"

    I suppose that qualifies as a gaffe :)
  5. ReC0iL

    ReC0iL Guest

    I saw a quote in a movie preview....

    "Everybody needs money... Thats why they call it money"
    -Danny DaVito..... Some movie preview... lol :D