Things You'd Love to Say at Work, but Can't

Discussion in 'Funny Farm' started by ZeroHour, Oct 13, 2004.

  1. ZeroHour

    ZeroHour ho3 ho3 ho3

    Messages:
    1,118
    Location:
    Scotland
    1. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of ****.
    2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
    3. How about never? Is never good for you?
    4. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
    5. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way.
    6. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
    7. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...
    8. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
    9. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.
    10. Ahhh... I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again...
    11. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
    12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
    13. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a damn.
    14. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
    15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
    16. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
    17. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
    18. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
    19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?
    20. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
    21. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.
    22. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
    23. And your crybaby whiny-butt opinion would be...?
    24. Do I look like a people person?
    25. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
    26. I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.
    27. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
    28. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
    29. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
    30. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
    31. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
    32. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
    33. Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1?
    34. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
    35. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
    36. Chaos, panic and disorder - my work here is done.
    37. How do I set a laser printer to stun?
    38. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
     
  2. SPeedY_B

    SPeedY_B I may actually be insane.

    Messages:
    15,800
    Location:
    Midlands, England
    hehe, very nice. There's plenty more I'd like to say at my work though ;)
     
  3. Mainframeguy

    Mainframeguy Debiant by way of Ubuntu Folding Team

    Messages:
    3,763
    Location:
    London, UK
    working at/from home, as I do, these start to become all ironic
     
  4. Steevo

    Steevo Spammer representing. Political User Folding Team

    Messages:
    2,566
    I can relate.


    I do use some of them though. :D
     
  5. gonaads

    gonaads Beware the G-Man Political User Folding Team

    Here's a few more...

    "Who me? I just wander from room to room."

    "No, my powers can only be used for good."

    "You sound reasonable... Time to up the medication."

    "It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off."

    "Do they ever shut up on your planet?"

    "I'm just working here till a good fast-food job opens up."

    "Aw, did I step on your poor little bitty ego?"

    "Is it time for your medication or mine?"

    "I just want revenge. Is that so wrong?"

    "How many times do I have to flush before you go away?"

    "I'm not crazy, I've just been in a very bad mood for 30 years."

    "Not the brightest crayon in the box now, are we?"

    "You! Off my planet!!"

    "Okay, okay, I take it back! Un(f@%k)you!"

    :D
     
  6. gonaads

    gonaads Beware the G-Man Political User Folding Team

    And for the female side of it.

    "Well, this day was a total waste of makeup."

    "You say I'm a bitch like it's a bad thing."
     
  7. LeeJend

    LeeJend Moderator

    Messages:
    5,291
    Location:
    Fort Worth, TX
    My favorites:
    Don't you wish you had some balls to go with that penis?

    Fire me please! My wife won't let me quit another good paying job.

    Does the school you went to offer degrees or just paroles?

    If I want to hear from an opinionated bitch I'll go home to my wife.

    And my favorite to say to a boss:
    Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach. Those who can't teach, manage.
     
  8. gonaads

    gonaads Beware the G-Man Political User Folding Team

    Hah! the last one, number five. :D
     
  9. Maveric169

    Maveric169 The Voices Talk to Me

    Messages:
    1,148
    Location:
    Elkhart, IN
    one of my favorites: If a@@holes could fly, this place would be an airpport!