Received this via email.....unsure of the author.
1. Any Man who brings a camera to a buck's night may
be legally killed and eaten by his mates.
2. Under no circumstances may two men share an
Umbrella.
3. It is ok for a man to cry under the following
circumstances:
a. When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
b. The moment Angelina Jolly starts unbuttoning her
blouse.
c. After wrecking your boss' car.
d. One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying
Game".
e. When she is using her teeth.
4. Unless he murdered someone in your family, you
must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.
5. If you've known a bloke for more than 24 hours,
his sister is off limits forever, unless you actually
marry her.
6. Moaning about the brand of free beer in a mate's
fridge is forbidden. Complain at will if the
temperature is unsuitable.
7. No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday
present for another man. In fact, even remembering your
mate's birthday is strictly optional.
8. On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines
pit stops, not the weakest.
9. When stumbling upon other blokes watching a
sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in
progress, but you may never ask who's playing.
10. You may flatulate in front of a woman only after
you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head
under the covers for the purpose of flatulent
entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.
11. It is permissible to quaff a fruity alcopop
drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach...
and it's delivered by a topless supermodel and it's
free.
12. Only in situations of moral and/or physical
peril are you allowed to kick another bloke in the nuts.
13. Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
14. Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever.
Issue closed.
15. If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you
didn't see anything.
16. Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must
be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of
the game and the ability to drink as much as the other
sports watchers.
17. You must offer heartfelt and public condolences
over the death of a girlfriend's cat, even if it was
you who secretly set it on fire
and threw it into a ceiling fan.
18. A man in the company of a hot, suggestively
dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.
19. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the
last slice of pizza, but not both - that's just mean.
20. If you complement a bloke on his six-pack, you'd
better be talking about his choice of beer.
21. Never join your girlfriend or wife in dissing a
mate of yours, except if she's withholding sex pending
your response.
22. Phrases that may not be uttered to another man
while lifting weights:
a. Yeah, baby, push it!
b. C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
c. Another set and we can hit the showers!
23. Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are
on equal footing: Both urinating, both waiting in line,
etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible
nod is all the conversation you need.
24. Never allow a telephone conversation with a
woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex
with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if
necessary.
25. You cannot grass on a colleague who shows up at
work with a massive hangover. You may however, hide the
aspirin, smear his chair with cheese, turn the
brightness dial all the way down so he thinks his
monitor is broken, and have him paged over the loud
speaker every seven minutes.
26. The morning after you and a girl who was
formerly "just a friend" have carnal drunken monkey
sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is
no reason not to nail her again before the discussion
about what a big mistake it was.
27. It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is
not acceptable for her to drive yours.
28. Thou shalt not buy a car with an engine capacity
of less than 1.5 litres. Thou shall not really buy a
car with less than 1.8 litres, 16 valves, and a turbo.
29. Thou shalt not buy a car in the colours of
brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.
30. The girl who replies to the question "What do
you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd
know what I want!" gets a Playstation 2
1. Any Man who brings a camera to a buck's night may
be legally killed and eaten by his mates.
2. Under no circumstances may two men share an
Umbrella.
3. It is ok for a man to cry under the following
circumstances:
a. When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
b. The moment Angelina Jolly starts unbuttoning her
blouse.
c. After wrecking your boss' car.
d. One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying
Game".
e. When she is using her teeth.
4. Unless he murdered someone in your family, you
must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.
5. If you've known a bloke for more than 24 hours,
his sister is off limits forever, unless you actually
marry her.
6. Moaning about the brand of free beer in a mate's
fridge is forbidden. Complain at will if the
temperature is unsuitable.
7. No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday
present for another man. In fact, even remembering your
mate's birthday is strictly optional.
8. On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines
pit stops, not the weakest.
9. When stumbling upon other blokes watching a
sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in
progress, but you may never ask who's playing.
10. You may flatulate in front of a woman only after
you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head
under the covers for the purpose of flatulent
entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.
11. It is permissible to quaff a fruity alcopop
drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach...
and it's delivered by a topless supermodel and it's
free.
12. Only in situations of moral and/or physical
peril are you allowed to kick another bloke in the nuts.
13. Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
14. Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever.
Issue closed.
15. If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you
didn't see anything.
16. Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must
be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of
the game and the ability to drink as much as the other
sports watchers.
17. You must offer heartfelt and public condolences
over the death of a girlfriend's cat, even if it was
you who secretly set it on fire
and threw it into a ceiling fan.
18. A man in the company of a hot, suggestively
dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.
19. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the
last slice of pizza, but not both - that's just mean.
20. If you complement a bloke on his six-pack, you'd
better be talking about his choice of beer.
21. Never join your girlfriend or wife in dissing a
mate of yours, except if she's withholding sex pending
your response.
22. Phrases that may not be uttered to another man
while lifting weights:
a. Yeah, baby, push it!
b. C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
c. Another set and we can hit the showers!
23. Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are
on equal footing: Both urinating, both waiting in line,
etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible
nod is all the conversation you need.
24. Never allow a telephone conversation with a
woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex
with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if
necessary.
25. You cannot grass on a colleague who shows up at
work with a massive hangover. You may however, hide the
aspirin, smear his chair with cheese, turn the
brightness dial all the way down so he thinks his
monitor is broken, and have him paged over the loud
speaker every seven minutes.
26. The morning after you and a girl who was
formerly "just a friend" have carnal drunken monkey
sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is
no reason not to nail her again before the discussion
about what a big mistake it was.
27. It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is
not acceptable for her to drive yours.
28. Thou shalt not buy a car with an engine capacity
of less than 1.5 litres. Thou shall not really buy a
car with less than 1.8 litres, 16 valves, and a turbo.
29. Thou shalt not buy a car in the colours of
brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.
30. The girl who replies to the question "What do
you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd
know what I want!" gets a Playstation 2
