The perfect day, for a woman and for a man

Discussion in 'Funny Farm' started by ZeroHour, Aug 30, 2004.

  1. ZeroHour

    ZeroHour ho3 ho3 ho3

    The Perfect Day - Her

    8:45 Wake up to hugs and kisses
    9:00 5 lbs lighter on the scale
    9:30 Light Breakfast
    11:00 Sunbathe
    12:30 Lunch with best friend at outdoor cafe
    1:45 Shopping
    2:30 Run into boyfriend's/husband's ex and notice she's gained 30 lbs
    3:00 Facial, massage, nap
    7:30 Candlelight dinner for two and dancing
    10:00 Make love
    11:30 Pillow talk in his big strong arms

    The Perfect Day - Him

    6:45 Alarm.
    7:00 Shower and massage.
    7:30 Blowjob.
    7:45 Massive dump while reading USA Today sports section.
    8:15 Limo arrives, Stoli Bloody Marys.
    8:30 Butler Aviation, O'Hare Field, Lear Jet to Augusta, Georgia.
    9:30 Front nine holes, Augusta National Golf Club.
    11:30 Lunch - 2 dozen oysters, 3 Heinekens.
    12:30 Blowjob.
    12:45 Back nine holes, Augusta National Golf Club.
    2:30 Limo to Augusta Airport, Bombay Sapphire Martini.
    3:30 Nassau, Bahamas, Afternoon fishing with all female crew (topless). Sex for each fish caught. Catch 1249 lb. Blue Marlin. Grilled tuna and steamed lobster appetizers, six Heinekens, nap.
    6:15 Blowjob.
    6:30 Lear Jet return flight, total body massage in transit.
    7:30 ****, shower, shave.
    8:00 Watch CNN Live coverage of Bill Clinton's resignation. Hillary and Al Gore are indicted in the same scandal (which involves graphic pictures and large farm animals).
    9:00 Dinner at Ritz Carlton, Oysters Casino, 20 oz. Filet mignons (rare), Gorgonzola salad, Fettucini Alfredo, Chateau Lafite Rothschild 1963 (magnum) creme brute, Louis XII Cognac, Cohiba Lancero
    10:30 Sex with 3 women, all from different countries
    11:30 Whirlpool, steam and massage. Women quietly get dressed, hail cab and leave. Midnight Blowjob. Sleep