The Full Story CH. 1

Discussion in 'Green Room' started by xsivforce, Apr 15, 2002.

  1. xsivforce

    xsivforce Prodigal Son Folding Team

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    There we were, each and everyone of us, in this small circle of friends. Even waddy sat close at hand in anticipation of what would surely become the adventure of adventures. All minds where in exact synchronization, when the least likely person stepped up, and spoke first.
    "I think we have to bury him." Yes it was Dealer who spoke first. None of us knew what to say. We didn't know what to do. As we sat there amazed by what we had done, we saw a faint light in the distance. "We have to head toward that light." said Waddy knowingly. Dealer stood and turned to Waddy. "What should we do with the body?" he asked.
    With an impressive stride, and proudfull presence, approaching the podium with deliberate introspective and turning to look each one of us one at a time, in our eyes(the windows of our soles), and finally spoke the words we already knew." "We will burn the body in the ritualistic way of the xp-reienced" commanded our glorius leader. In no time, the chants began. Slowly at first, then building to a fevered pitch. At that climactic moment, Electronic Punk shouted "I'm not dead, I'm not dead!". But to no avail, his words fell on deaf ears as their screaming voices carried into the night.
    Jewelzz lifted her bottle of tequila to toast Electronic Punk one last time. All the while Dealer lit the bonfire. Then they heard it, that hidious scream as E.P. being licked by the flames cried out. "You bastards I'm not dead!". Xsivforce as fast as he could tried to put out the flames. As he undid his paints and sprayed the flames Electronic Punk screams out, "Damnit, you guys ruined my hair. My spikes are all melted". Waddy called an ambulance while Xsivforce tried vainly to rearrange the molten lumps on EP's head. "Bastards !" yelled ep one last time before collapsing in a smouldering heap at Jewellz's feet. She tried vainly to revive him with her bottle of tequila. The Ambulance screamed to halt on EP's now shiny bald head and who should get out ? Why ! it's Dealers girlfriend, Xsivforce almost has an epiletic fit at the sight gorgeous woman. And so, Anna, makes her way towards what she thought would become the most important moment in her life, her concentration is apparent, for she cannot afford the luxury of finding the expressions she would find on the faces of xsivforce, loppdawg, djmorgan, and most important, could not look in the face of her arch nemisis.....JEWELZZ.
    Anna looked at Electronic Punk and nearly turned around and bolted. Instead, she held her ground and said, “What have you done to him, Jewelzz?” Jewelzz gave her THE LOOK and if looks could kill, Anna would have been the body that the circle of friends would have had to worry about. Jewelzz took another swig from her bottle of tequila and shrugged her shoulders nonchalantly. Anna finally looked at her arch-nemesis. “You’re going down for this, woman. I’ll make sure of it… believe you me, I will.” And that’s when MiseryQ smacked the upside of Xsivforce’s head to snap him out of his fit. He gazed at the entire scene that was unfolding and said…"Someone call Emmie-chan!" We all knew that Emmie-chan was the only "spikey hair" restoration surgeon around.
    As Anna and Jewelzz started shouting explitives at each other, Xsivforce had no choice but to get in between them. "Watch your hands!" exclaimed Jewelzz. All of a sudden, Xsivforce remebered that EP had an ambulance parked on his head and maybe he should help him out. MiseryQ went to get the jack from his car and handed it to Xsivforce. He started to pump furiously which made Anna look at him in a very perculiar way and Jewelzz to reach for her bottle of tequila again and EP to wonder why someone had poked a jack into his eye.
    When the Ambulance was off Ep's head, Emmie-Chan surveyed the mass of goo that had once been his pride and joy. "Ah" she said "human degredation." Had we all gone insane, thought Xsivforce as suddenly he realised that he had jacked up the wrong side of the ambulance thus causing it to crush EP`s already mangled cranium further into the deck. "Aaaargh!", screamed EP, or that was what it was meant to sound like, but due to the fact that very little remained of his mashed skull, it came out as "Fecking hell,where did I go wrong?" Jewelzz saw the funny side of this, and immediately poured the remnants of the tequila bottle on EP.
    No, I tell a lie, Jewelzz would never do such a wicked thing, so having finished the bottle of golden nectar, Jewelzz spun and swung like one of the Williams sisters crushing a cross court winner and put the bottle upside Anna's head. Anna retaliated with a backhand volley of her own. Putting the hard plastic neck brace through the nose of Jewelzz. They went at it like it was the finals at the U.S. Open. But as always, Anna came in a distant second.
    Now they had two bodies to contend with and who was going to give E.P. mouth to mouth? So Dealer crying over his beloved desided to do something unspeakable. He glared at Jewelzz and then he pounced on Emmie-Chan, placing the biggest, wettest tongue in here ear. Emmie-Chan was becoming more aroused with every minute. Anna, noticing what dealer was doing to Emmie-Chan, was in a fit of rage. She grabbed the bottle that Jewelzz threw earlier. With the backhand swing of a pro, and the fury of scorned woman, Anna hit her with the bottle of Cuevro. It wizzed past dealers head, instead hitting EP in the gonads. The sound that came from EP was horrifying. Xsviforce jumped up, ran over to EP and began to adminiter first aid to EP's wounded area.
    Dealer and Bytes Back were perplexed. They started loosing it, Dealer started screaming and running around with his hands to his face like that snot nosed kid from "Home alone" on a bad acid trip. Bytes Back was al ittle worse off, laughing hysterically, then falling into a fetal position on the sand and then started wimpering and mumbling "there's no place like home, there's no place like home". All the while, Gonaads sitting on the cooler chest cries out, "Mama told me not to come!" while gulping down another handful of Shrooms and gazed blankly (with drool dripping off his mouth) at the smoke that rose off of the head of E P and yet, E.P. needed no first aid, he considered these wounds the mark of his own heroism, and soon, all here would find the source, the one open_source, where even those that reside in the legendary alternate universe, yay, those very legends...DIRK DIGGLER, THE MAN OF STEELE, RELDER, ALLAN, and even TUDOGS, I say again, the very legends of that alternate universe, where the past, there, becomes the future here(oh how profetic, for only those that know of it). And E.P. had ventured to that nether place. Yes, found his way there, and again, back here, and now suffers these wounds of the heroism which will unfold hense."Bollocks" Said EP, getting up and brushing what was left of himself off.
    Xsivforce thought "I always knew I was good at massage". Suddenly with no warning Whatsoever (Apart from the loud hailer yelling "Were Coming"), A Vogon Space ship landed next to the ambulance crushing Jewellz Tequila bottle. "Morning" said a large Vogon as he descended the exit ramp. "I'm afraid were going to have to demolish your planet to make way for a new interspatial McDonalds TM". Waddy, Who up to now had been fairly quiet, stood up and realised that the groups destiny had come, to save the planet from the evil Big Mac. So teaming up his minions with the alternate "tweak" universe, we all went underground to hatch the master plan. With our own Captain Waddy at the helm, we would thwart the evil Vogons in their quest to yet again assimilate a planet.
    "Where's Jewelzz?" asked Dealer. We had not realized that she did not follow us underground. Kirrie spun about. "I knew she was one of them!" he exclamed "A damned Vogon spy!" "Now wait just a minute" said MiseryQ "I think I heard a faint scream, shhh, listen". A few more mintues past, then all of a sudden Jewelzz came running in, clothes all tattered and torn. "What happen?" asked the others. "That freakist half-human, half-goose like creature started chasing Anna. Although she's my rival, I had to see if I could do anything". Poor Anna didn't make it. The half-human, half-goose like creature got Anna.
    Inside was the abandoned builging was littered with debris. We checked out a few of the rooms, some of which still had furniture in them. We made our way into a large room that had a giant pentagram on the wall and what looked like blood stains on the floor. Needless to say, that was a tad freaky. That, however, was only the tip of the iceberg of freaky things to come.
    We made our way down a corridor which led to a door. This door went to the outside, a courtyard. Waddy went out first, and proceeded to come back in immediately. We had been looking for the way out, because the place is so big we got a bit disoriented. We figured this way would let us out in front of the hospital, opposite from the rear where we had come in. Well, Waddy comes back in to lead us out, but tells us not to look up. The way it was laid out, was once we went outside, you could look up to your left and see the rest of the building which was a couple of stories high. Of course, the first thing we all do? Look up! On the roof was a group of half-human, half-goose like creatures staring down at us.
    Now Xsivforce says they were wearing all black, I couldn’t tell since it was dark and all we could see was their outlines. Waddy had told us stories of cults gathering there so our first inclination was: Human eating space creatures. One creature appeared to be smoking a cigarette and just staring at us. We started walking quickly, looking for the exit, but we were fenced in. This all became all to much for Jewellz who whipped another jumbo economy sized bottle of tequila from her bra. Just as she started to open it MiseryQ yelled "Look" while pointing at Anna's slightly dead body. Swirls of smoke started to appear from her mouth, lightning flashed, thunder...er ...thundered and the ghost of Anna began to emerge.
    EP covered his eyes up, thought better of it and when he looked again Anna was standing defiantly in front of the smoking Vogon. "I shall have my revenge" she roared and grabbed the tequila from Jewellz hand. With a practiced swing, she threw at the head of the Vogon, The tequila splashing out as she did so. The bottle hit the Vogon with a "Thwunk". "Ha" said the Vogon, still standing and not looking at all bothered "is that the best you can do?" Just as the first drips of tequila hit the ciggarette. "BOOOMMMM!!!" went the Vogon.
    Parts of the decidedly slimey Vogon fell on on EP's head where with a strange quirk of fate his hair promptly grew back more spikey than before. Dealer started to walk towards anna who was aglow in a ghostly way. He was about to wrap his arms around her when she stopped him and said, "Don't, you can't touch me I'm not of this earthly plane anymore". Dealer was bummed and was about to break down when Emmie-Chan walked up to Ana and wispered in her ear. Anna looked at her strangely then at dealer and smiled. All of a sudden anna walked right into Emmie-Chan. Emmie-Chan started going into convulsions and she started rubbing herself strangely. With a come hither sensual look on her face and a glow that was not there before, she walked up to Dealer and put her lushish wet tongue into dealers ear. "Remember that " she said. But the voice was not of Emmie-Chan it was Anna's voice. Everyone now was freaking, but dealer was still confused. Emmie-Chan leaned over and put her wet throbbing tongue back into dealers ear and made tiny little circles then wispered "Two for one". Dealer's eyes opened wide with a huge grin on his face he yelled out, "Yeah baby, yeah! Oh behave!" .
    E.P., now with his new and improved spikes was not fazed by any of the goings on. He had a distant empty look in his eyes. Kirrie2001 walked up to E P and asked him if he was O.K. E.P. looked right at Kirrie2001 and laughed a hidious laugh and with a now strange almost evil look in E P's eyes. What did that slime from the Vogon do to E P? Did it penetrate the wounds on his head? Did it change him in any way? They all looked at E P now wondering, what if. And suddenly, in a blinding flash, we all realised that the Vogons were not what they seemed. They were Volksvogons, sent to intimidate all who have belittled them in the past. They had almost taken over the world, but our band of inebriated..... er .... intrepid and EX-erienced travellers had thwarted their evil plans.
    Although, having suffered terribly in the process, especially E.P. and Anna, plus possibly Emmie, (as we know she loves hair raising situations) which in all truth so does E.P. They had all played their part in this fantastic escapade of life and death. Jewelzz has shown that she definitely has the bottle for this type of adventure. Gonads and Xsivforce are no small fry, at updating the situation, and carding their scores. While dealer, has at all times held us in ruptures... ummm.. raptures with his poetic verse and prose. There are many others that we also would like to mention, but aint going to. But we shall all continue the fight to avert all evil that threatens this planet Earth.
    Gone are the Volksvogons, driven from our shorts, ...sorry, ... shores. No more, a threat to humanity. So, watch the skies, and in public toilets, beware of Limbo dancers under those high bottomed doors.
    WE SHALL NEVER SURRENDER.
     
  2. xsivforce

    xsivforce Prodigal Son Folding Team

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    *cough*
     
  3. Jewelzz

    Jewelzz OSNN Godlike Veteran

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    Is that the start of Chapter 2?
     
  4. xsivforce

    xsivforce Prodigal Son Folding Team

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    Nope...not yet. BTW, those who don't know, this story was written over a weekend by members here at the forum. Cheers to all involved. :D
     
  5. Jewelzz

    Jewelzz OSNN Godlike Veteran

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    A job well done by all. Thanx for the great edit job on the story x. :) I'll try and get my brain in gear for Chapter 2
     
  6. gonaads

    gonaads Beware the G-Man Political User Folding Team

    Most triumphant. Three cheers for the Skull Dude. And the crowd goes wild... Haaaaaaaaaaa, Weeeeeeeeee :cool:
     
  7. xsivforce

    xsivforce Prodigal Son Folding Team

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    Hehe, the "Skull Dude"...I like it. :D
     
  8. Perris Calderon

    Perris Calderon Moderator Staff Member Political User

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    this was excellant, skull dude, great fujimintado, what else can I say....I AM SPEECHLESS
     
  9. xsivforce

    xsivforce Prodigal Son Folding Team

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    As am I, oh Fujimous one. :D
     
  10. Kirrie2001

    Kirrie2001 Guest

    Fujism is the spice of life.

    Oh, what a story.

    Stand by for the Booker prize nominations.

    See you all on the podium.

    Great work guys, and a special thanks to xsive for the editing.
     
  11. xsivforce

    xsivforce Prodigal Son Folding Team

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    Contributors for this masterpiece:
    dealer
    gonaads
    Bytes back
    emmie-chan
    Kirrie2001
    Jewelzz
    xsivforce


    Idea by dealer
    Editing by xsivforce
    Score by Jewelzz
    Lighting by emmie-chan
    Sound by Bytes back
    Grip by gonaads
    Jokes by Kirrie2001

    Let's give em a hand.
     
  12. Jewelzz

    Jewelzz OSNN Godlike Veteran

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    *clap clap clap*
     
  13. Bytes Back

    Bytes Back Ex Police Chief

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    So, er, whens the erm, next one :D
     
  14. Perris Calderon

    Perris Calderon Moderator Staff Member Political User

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    I nominate bytes back to begin, and modreate chapter 2
     
  15. Jewelzz

    Jewelzz OSNN Godlike Veteran

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    Let's go Bb we're all waiting for you to start Chapter 2 of "Our Story" :p
     
  16. xsivforce

    xsivforce Prodigal Son Folding Team

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    I second. :D
     
  17. Perris Calderon

    Perris Calderon Moderator Staff Member Political User

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    x, make a new post, and let's just recruit him, sort of the way I recruited yourself
     
  18. xsivforce

    xsivforce Prodigal Son Folding Team

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    Lol. Exactly! :D
     
  19. Kirrie2001

    Kirrie2001 Guest

    All carpet baggers are weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.:D
     
  20. Bytes Back

    Bytes Back Ex Police Chief

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    Flaming typical, server plays up and I miss the emails for this one. Only found it when I looked through fun stuff.

    I will accept this most honourable posistion, but you'll have to wait till tonight as I've got to go to work :D