Tesco Humour - ideas for the boys!

Discussion in 'Funny Farm' started by Dark Atheist, Jan 19, 2008.

  1. Dark Atheist

    Dark Atheist Moderator Political User Folding Team

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    This letter was recently sent by Tesco's Head Office to a customer in
    Oxford:

    Dear Mrs. Murray,

    While we thank you for your valued custom and use of the Tesco Loyalty
    Card, the Manager of our store in Banbury is considering banning you
    and your family from shopping with us, unless your husband stops his
    antics. Below is a list of offences over the past few months, all
    verified by our surveillance cameras:

    1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's
    trolleys when they weren't looking.

    2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute

    intervals.

    3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to
    feminine products aisle.

    4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone,
    "Code 3" in housewares..... and watched what happened.

    5. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.


    6. September 15: Set up a tent in the outdoor clothing department and
    told shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring sausages and a
    Calor gas stove.

    7. September 23: When the Deputy Manager asked if she could help him,
    he began to cry and asked, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

    8. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a
    mirror, picked his nose, and ate it.

    9. November 10: While appearing to be choosing kitchen knives in the
    Housewares aisle asked an assistant if he knew where the
    antidepressants were.

    10. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously, loudly humming
    the "Mission Impossible" theme.

    11. December 6: In the kitchenware aisle, practiced the "Madonna look"
    using different size funnels.

    12. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed, yelled

    "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

    13. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker,
    assumed the fetal position and screamed "NO! NO! It's those voices
    again."

    And; last, but not least:

    14. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited a
    while; then yelled, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here."

    Yours sincerely,



    Charles Brown
    General Manager
     
  2. ray_gillespie

    ray_gillespie Moderator Staff Member Political User

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    How would a security camera "hear" him humming the mission impossible theme... :p

    Some of those are quite funny - I might try a few out myself!
     
  3. pvl_ru

    pvl_ru OSNN Junior Addict

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    HAHAHAHAHAHA that's so funny

    [​IMG]
     
  4. Dark Atheist

    Dark Atheist Moderator Political User Folding Team

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    ray stop reading too much into it :p , also a lot of people heard him, so that might be a give away :D
     
  5. Geffy

    Geffy Moderator Folding Team

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    1 - 5 sound like a laugh
     
  6. Dark Atheist

    Dark Atheist Moderator Political User Folding Team

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    I did 9 the other day :)
     
  7. ming

    ming OSNN Advanced

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    It must have been Heny... if he still works in Tesco.
    *runs* :p