Tech Supporters Dayly Nightmares!

Discussion in 'Windows Desktop Systems' started by LightWave, Jan 15, 2002.

  1. LightWave

    LightWave OSNN Addict

    Hello. Tech Support, may I help you?"
    "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
    "What sort of trouble?"
    "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."
    "Went away?"
    "They disappeared."
    "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
    "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
    "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"
    "How do I tell?"
    [Uh-oh. Well, let's give it a try anyway.] "Can you see the C:\> prompt on the screen?"
    "What's a sea-prompt?"
    [Uh-huh, thought so. Let's try a different tack.] "Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"
    "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
    [Ah--at least s/he knows what a cursor is. Sounds like a hardware problem. I wonder if she's kicked out his/her monitor's power plug.] "Does your monitor have a power indicator?"
    "What's a monitor?"
    "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"
    "I don't know."
    "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"
    [sound of rustling and jostling] [muffled] "Yes, I think so."
    "Great! Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."
    [pause] "Yes, it is."
    [Hmm. Well, that's interesting. I doubt s/he would have accidentally turned it off, and I don't want to send her hunting for the power switch because I don't know what kind of monitor she has and it's bound to have more than one switch on it. Maybe the video cable is loose or something.] "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"
    "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."
    [muffled] "Okay, here it is."
    "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."
    [still muffled] "I can't reach."
    "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"
    [clear again] "No."
    "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"
    "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle--it's because it's dark."
    "Yes-the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."
    "Well, turn on the office light then."
    "I can't."
    "No? Why not?"
    "Because there's a power outage."
    "A power--!?!" ...[AAAAAAARGH!]
    "A power outage? Aha! Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"
    "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
    "Good! Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
    "Really? Is it that bad?"
    "Yes, I'm afraid it is."
    "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"
    "Tell them you're TOO STUPID TO OWN A COMPUTER!"
  2. MdSalih

    MdSalih The Boss

    Birmingham, UK
  3. LightWave

    LightWave OSNN Addict

    Need a little UNIX help?

    Customer: What is the command that will tell me the revision code of a program ?

    UNIX consul: Yes, that's correct.

    Customer: No, what is it ?

    UNIX consul: Yes.

    Customer: So, which is the one ?

    UNIX consul: No. 'which' is used to find the program.

    Customer: Stop this. Who are you ?

    UNIX consul: Use 'who am i' not 'who r yoo'. You can also 'finger yoo' to get information about yoo'.

    Customer: All I want to know is what finds the revision code ?

    UNIX consul: Use 'what'.

    Customer: That's what I am trying to find out. Isn't that true ?

    UNIX consul: No. 'true' gives you 0.

    Customer: Which one ?

    UNIX consul: 'true' gives you 0. 'which programname'

    Customer: Let's get back to my problem. What program?
    How do I find it?

    UNIX consul: Type 'find / -name it -print' to find 'it'.
    Type 'what program' to get the revision code.

    Customer: I want to find the revision code.

    UNIX consul: You can't 'find revisioncode', you must use 'what program'

    Customer: Which command will do what I need?

    UNIX consul: No. 'which command' will find 'command'.

    Customer: I think I understand. Let me write that.

    UNIX consul: You can 'write that' only if 'that' is a user on
    your system.

    Customer: Write what?

    UNIX consul: No. 'write that'. 'what program'.

    Customer: Cut that out!

    UNIX consul: Yes. those are valid files for 'cut'. Don't forget the options.

    Customer: Do you always do this ?

    UNIX consul: 'du' will give you disk usage.

    Customer: HELP!

    UNIX consul: 'help' is only used for Source Code Control System (SCCS).

    Customer: You make me angry.

    UNIX consul: No, I don't 'make me' angry but I did 'make programname' when I was upset once.

    Customer: I don't want to make trouble, so no more.

    UNIX consul: No 'more'? 'which' will help you find 'more'. Every system has 'more'.

    Customer: Nice help! I'm confused more now!

    UNIX consul: Understand that since 'help' is such a small program, it is better not to 'nice help'. and 'more now' is not
    allowed but 'at now' is. Unless, of course, 'now' is a file name.

    Customer: This is almost as confusing as my PC.

    UNIX consul: I didn't know you needed help with 'pc'. Let me get you to the Pascal Compiler team.
  4. Angst

    Angst Guest

    :D :p :D :p