Some Jokes

Discussion in 'Funny Farm' started by KingKian, Mar 9, 2006.

  1. KingKian

    KingKian OSNN Addict

    Messages:
    105
    Location:
    Singapore
    1st thief : Oh ! The police is here. Quick! Jump out of the window
    2nd thief : But this is the 13th floor.
    1st thief : Hurry! this is no time for superstitions.

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    Girl : Do you love me ?
    Boy : Yes Dear
    Girl : Would you die for me ?
    Boy : No, mine is undying love

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    Man : How old is your father ?
    Boy : As old as me
    Man : How can that be ?
    Boy : He became a father only when I was born

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    Waiter : I've stewed liver, boiled tongue and frog's leg.
    Customer : Don't tell me your problems. Give me the menu card.

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    Teacher: Simon, your composition on "My Dog" is
    exactly the same as your brother's. Did u copy his?
    Simon: No, teacher, it's the same dog!

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    Father: Your teacher says she finds it impossible to teach you
    anything!
    Son : That's why I say she's no good!

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    Manager : Sorry, but I can't give u a job. I don't need much help.
    Job Applicant: That's all right. In fact, I'm just the right person in
    this case. You see, I won't be of much help anyway!

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    Teacher: "How do u think Shakespeare wrote such masterpieces?"
    College student: "With a pencil, maam, either a 2B or not 2B."

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    "Mum, teacher was asking me today if I have any
    brothers or sisters who will be coming to school." "That's nice of her to
    take such an interest, dear. What did she say when u told her u are the
    only child?" "She just said, 'Thank goodness!'"

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    Teacher: "Where were u born?"
    Student: "Singapore, Sir."
    Teacher: "Which part?"
    Student: "All of me, Sir."

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    Teacher: "Chong, u missed school last Friday."
    Chong : "You're wrong, Sir."
    Teacher: "Wrong, how is that?"
    Chong : "I was absent, yes but I certainly didn't miss it!"

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    A teacher was asking her class: "What is the difference between 'unlawful'
    and 'illegal'?" Only one hand shot up.
    "Ok, answer, Joan," said the teacher.
    "'unlawful' is when u do something the law doesn't
    allow and 'illegal is a sick eagle."

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    Doctor : I have some bad news and some very bad news.
    Patient : Well, might as well give me the bad news first.
    Doctor : The lab called with your test results. They said you have 24
    hours to live.
    Patient : 24 hours! That's terrible!! What could be
    worse? What's the very bad news?
    Doctor : I've been trying to reach you since yesterday.

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    Patient : I'm in a hospital! Why am I in here?
    Doctor : You've had an accident involving a train.
    Patient : What happened?
    Doctor : Well, I've got some good news and some bad news. Which would
    you like to hear first?
    Patient : Well... The bad news first ...
    Doctor : Your legs were injured so badly that we had to amputate both
    of them.
    Patient : That's terrible! What's the good news?
    Doctor: There's a guy in the next ward who made a
    very good offer on your slippers.

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    Patient : How much to have this tooth pulled?
    Dentist : $90.00.
    Patient : $90.00 for just a few minutes work???
    Dentist : I can extract it very slowly if you like.

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    Teacher : "How come you do not comb your hair?"
    Ah Kow : "No comb, Sir."
    Teacher : "Use your dad's then."
    Ah Kow : "No hair, Sir."