Software Marketing terminology explained

Discussion in 'Funny Farm' started by Khayman, Jan 23, 2004.

  1. Khayman

    Khayman I'm sorry Hal... Political User Folding Team

    Alpha: Software that is so buggy that even the beta testers won't install it.

    Announced date: The date the product manager hopes to go on vacation.

    API: A function library with more than 200 minimally distinguishable entry points.

    Beta: Software that isn't quite finished, as in "beta late than never."

    Chief Technology Officer: The guy in charge of the PowerPoint slide show.

    Fact sheet: What's left of the specification after the product ships.

    Focus group: Buying drinks for market analysts.

    Fully compatible: Same old features.

    In manufacturing: The programmers are still "manufacturing" features.

    In shipping: Someone in the 00000 ZIP code has a copy -- most likely the product manager's brother-in-law. No one else will get a copy for weeks.

    Industry insiders: Disgruntled employees after one too many drinks.

    Long-term planning: What will happen when the new marketing VP is hired.

    Market research: Buying drinks for customers.

    Memory leak: What the company president remembers telling the market analysts.

    Minimum system requirements: The oldest PC anyone could find in the company storeroom.

    Multitasking: The ability to crash several programs at the same time.

    Multithreading: The ability to crash a single program in several ways at the same time.

    New and improved: Totally incompatible.

    On schedule: Will include a coupon in the box for the missing pieces.

    Online help: Call the psychic hotline for technical support.

    Open architecture: The developers didn't finish half of what was in the spec.

    Press leak: The company president speaking to market analysts.

    Press release: What the marketing department thought was being built. Often confused with the specification for the next version.

    Release candidate: Software built just before a major holiday.

    SDK: A development system without documentation.

    Short-term planning: Meeting payroll.

    Strategic partnership: A couple of second-rate companies that cannot afford to merge.

    Trade secret: Another way to say "we don't have the source code."

    Upwardly compatible: Lots of new bugs.

    User friendly: Lots and lots of gratuitous bitmaps.

    Visionary: CEO who has not yet bankrupted a company.