Perfect Day for a man and a woman

Discussion in 'Funny Farm' started by Evil Marge, Mar 30, 2008.

  1. Evil Marge

    Evil Marge I Rule Political User

    Messages:
    6,574
    PERFECT DAY FOR A WOMAN:

    8:15 Wake up to hugs and kisses.
    8:30 Weigh 5 lbs. lighter than yesterday.
    8:45 Breakfast in bed, fresh squeezed orange juice and croissants.
    9:15 Soothing hot bath with fragrant lilac bath oil.
    10:00 Light workout at club with handsome, funny personal trainer.
    10:30 Facial, manicure, shampoo, and comb out.
    12:00 Lunch with best friend at an outdoor cafe.
    12:45 Notice ex-boyfriend's wife, she has gained 30 lbs..
    1:00 Shopping with friends.
    3:00 Nap.
    4:00 A dozen roses delivered by florist. Card is from a secret admirer.
    4:15 Light workout at club followed by a gentle massage
    5:30 Pick outfit for dinner. Primp before mirror.
    7:30 Candlelight dinner for two followed by dancing.
    10:00 Hot shower. Alone.
    10:30 Make love.
    11:00 Pillow talk, light touching and cuddling.
    11:15 Fall asleep in his big, strong arms.

    PERFECT DAY FOR A MAN:

    6:00 Alarm.
    6:15 Blowjob.
    6:30 Massive dump while reading the sports section.
    7:00 Breakfast. Filet Mignon, eggs, toast and coffee.
    7:30 Limo arrives.
    7:45 Bloody Mary en route to airport.
    8:15 Private jet to Augusta, Georgia.
    9:30 Limo to Augusta National Golf Club.
    9:45 Play front nine at Augusta, finish 2 under par.
    11:45 Lunch. 2 dozen oysters on the half shell. 3 Heinekens.
    12:15 Blowjob.
    12:30 Play back nine at Augusta, finish 4 under par.
    2:15 Limo back to airport. Drink 2 Bombay Martinis.
    2:30 Private jet to Nassau, Bahamas. Nap.
    3:15 Late afternoon fishing excursion with topless female crew.
    4:30 Catch world record light tackle marlin-1249 lbs.
    5:00 Jet back home. En route, get massage from naked supermodel.
    7:00 Watch CNN Newsflash. Bush resigns
    7:30 Dinner. Lobster appetizers, 1963 Dom Perignon, 20 Oz. New York strip.
    9:00 Relax after dinner with 1789 Augler Cognac and Cohiba Cuban cigar.
    10:00 Have sex with two 18 year old nymphomaniacs.
    11:00 Massage and Jacuzzi.
    11:45 Go to bed.
    11:50 Let loose a 12 second, 4 octave fart. Watch the dog leave the room.
    11:55 Laugh yourself to sleep.

    :laugh:
     
  2. LordOfLA

    LordOfLA Godlike!

    Messages:
    7,027
    Location:
    Maidenhead, Berkshire, UK
    sounds good to me :D
     
  3. Dark Atheist

    Dark Atheist Moderator Political User Folding Team

    Messages:
    6,376
    Location:
    In The Void
    quite true :)
     
  4. fitz

    fitz Just Floating Along Staff Member Political User Folding Team

    Messages:
    4,076
    Location:
    Chicagoland
    wait, you mean everyone doesn't have days like that?!?
     
  5. hansrijf

    hansrijf sh! it stinks Folding Team

    Messages:
    277
    Location:
    Amsterdam, The Netherlands
    only 2 blowjobs a day? what a bummer!