Open letter from the Blue States

Discussion in 'Funny Farm' started by dreamliner77, Aug 22, 2005.

  1. dreamliner77

    dreamliner77 The Analog Kid

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    Dear Red States...

    We've decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, and we're taking the other Blue States with us.

    In case you aren't aware, that includes Hawaii, Oregon,Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all the Northeast. We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially to the people of the new country of New California.

    To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states. We get stem cell research and the best beaches. We get Elliot Spitzer. You get Ken Lay.

    We get the Statue of Liberty. You get Dollywood.
    We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom.
    We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss.
    We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You get Alabama. We get two-thirds of the tax revenue, you get to make the red states pay their fair share.

    Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single moms.

    Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and anti-war, and we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have kids they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for no purpose, and they don't care if you don't show pictures of their children's caskets coming home. We do wish you success in Iraq, and hope that the WMDs turn up, but we're not willing to spend our resources in Bush's Quagmire.

    With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80 percent of the country's fresh water, more than 90 percent of the pineapple and lettuce, 92 percent of the nation's fresh fruit, 95 percent of America's quality wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners) 90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most of the U.S.
    low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools, plus Harvard, Yale, Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.

    With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88 percent of all obese Americans (and their projected health care costs),
    92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of the tornadoes, 90 percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100 percent of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia.

    We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.

    Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe life is sacred unless we're discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44 percent say that evolution is only a theory, 53 percent that Saddam was involved in 9/11 and 61 percent of you crazy b*****ds believe you are people with higher morals then we lefties.

    By the way, we're taking the good pot, too. You can have that dirt weed they grow in Mexico.

    Peace out,
    Blue States
     
    tom9042 and Perris Calderon like this.
  2. Perris Calderon

    Perris Calderon Moderator Staff Member Political User

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    holy crow, that's one very funny and ingenious post

    I didn't know this...a very telling stat if true

    another great point but you loose double for invoking the word "quagmire".

    if you do that again, you don't get to come
    fair to me, but who gets amd?...I might be tempted to switch sides if we can't get amd

    YES!!!

    they don't believe it, they just say it because it gets them votes

    btw

    mega reptitudals on teh way
     
  3. Brad

    Brad Moderator Political User Folding Team

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    Can I become an honorary member of the Blue States of America?
     
  4. dreamliner77

    dreamliner77 The Analog Kid

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    I wish I could take credit for writing that...
     
  5. Perris Calderon

    Perris Calderon Moderator Staff Member Political User

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    you still loose points for not editing out the word "quagmire"...sorry, there's no excuse
     
  6. tdinc

    tdinc █▄█ ▀█▄ █ Political User

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    All I have to say is...WOW!! that was great..LOL:)
     
  7. dreamliner77

    dreamliner77 The Analog Kid

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    Well, what would YOU replace it with?
     
  8. Perris Calderon

    Perris Calderon Moderator Staff Member Political User

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    morass;

    a soft wet area of low-lying land that sinks underfoot
     
  9. dreamliner77

    dreamliner77 The Analog Kid

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    How about conundrum?
     
  10. ejn74

    ejn74 Folding Master! Political User Folding Team

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    great post dreamliner
     
  11. Perris Calderon

    Perris Calderon Moderator Staff Member Political User

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    quagmire's better
     
  12. dreamliner77

    dreamliner77 The Analog Kid

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    you see... that's what you get.

    Btw, is Les Paul still doing those shows in NYC?
     
    gonaads likes this.
  13. Geffy

    Geffy Moderator Folding Team

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    thats quite an interesting post
     
  14. gonaads

    gonaads Beware the G-Man Political User Folding Team


    errrrrrr, shiit hole, botch job? :rolleyes:


    Great post dreamliner. :p
     
  15. Taggert_LOA

    Taggert_LOA Modding Addict Political User

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    Yes every monday nite at iridium.
     
  16. Perris Calderon

    Perris Calderon Moderator Staff Member Political User

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    we should have an osnn field trip
     
  17. Perris Calderon

    Perris Calderon Moderator Staff Member Political User

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    those'd work good
     
  18. Petros

    Petros Thief IV

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    Author needs to do some fact checking. I don't have the time to research every other stat, but I'll venture to guess that the author didn't, either. This one was the easiest to blow up, however, since it was the most glaring lie. The divorce rate stat was not only misleading (the percentages are divorces per capita), but uses eleven year old data. More up-to-date information can be found here.

    [​IMG]

    Good luck getting all the gun-toting farmers in the counties that actually produce all that stuff to secede with you. Just because the majority of blue states live in well-populated areas doesn't make those urbanites farmers

    lol... And I wonder how many tech businesses and their employees would move to where there's food and water so they don't have to pay an arm and a leg to have it shipped from other countries.

    Truth be told, the country is just fine as it is. We have hard working farmers in rural areas--whose minority voices get beaten down by two major cities (as is the case in my native Oregon)--and we have big money making tech people in urban areas. You can survive without computers longer than you can survive without food and water, though.

    I hope whoever wrote that will review it and be a little more honest in their next attempt at fact-gathering. The only people they are deceiving are their own.
     
  19. ejn74

    ejn74 Folding Master! Political User Folding Team

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    I believe it was a joke and not actually written by an osnn member.
     
  20. Petros

    Petros Thief IV

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    I know :) I read a lot of other sites and blogs, and I've seen it posted elsewhere. I know it's all in good fun, but I'm a big fan of research and accuracy, especially when my side get misrepresented.