One for the Lads 
All are jokes are m.c.p. attitude ,but still funny[if you are a male]
I'm sure the girls will hit back with something though [ouch]
-------------------------------------------------
How many men does it take to open a beer?
None.
It should be opened by the time she brings it.
----------------------------------------
Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will
probably never be able to support you.
----------------------------------------
Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand
----------------------------------------
How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me..."
----------------------------------------
How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't.
There is a clock on the oven.
----------------------------------------
Why do men pass wind more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.
----------------------------------------
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling
at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
----------------------------------------
What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman who won't do what she's told.
--------------------------------------
I married Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was Always.
----------------------------------------
I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months:
I don't like to interrupt her.
---------------------------------------
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex
drive by 90%.
It's called a Wedding Cake.
----------------------------------------
Marriage is a 3-ring circus:
Engagement Ring, Wedding Ring, Suffering.
----------------------------------------
Our last fight was my fault: My wife asked me "What's on TV?"
I said, "Dust!"
----------------------------------------
In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created Man and rested.
Then God created Woman.
Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.
------------------------------------------
Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.
------------------------------------------
Young Son: "Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts
of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"
Dad: That happens in every country, son.
----------------------------------------
A man inserted an advertisement in the classified:
Wife Wanted." The next day he received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
----------------------------------------
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday
is to forget it once.
----------------------------------------
Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down
the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think
they are beautiful.
-----------------------------------------------
All are jokes are m.c.p. attitude ,but still funny[if you are a male]
I'm sure the girls will hit back with something though
[ouch]-------------------------------------------------
How many men does it take to open a beer?
None.
It should be opened by the time she brings it.
----------------------------------------
Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will
probably never be able to support you.
----------------------------------------
Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand
----------------------------------------
How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me..."
----------------------------------------
How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't.
There is a clock on the oven.
----------------------------------------
Why do men pass wind more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.
----------------------------------------
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling
at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
----------------------------------------
What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman who won't do what she's told.
--------------------------------------
I married Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was Always.
----------------------------------------
I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months:
I don't like to interrupt her.
---------------------------------------
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex
drive by 90%.
It's called a Wedding Cake.
----------------------------------------
Marriage is a 3-ring circus:
Engagement Ring, Wedding Ring, Suffering.
----------------------------------------
Our last fight was my fault: My wife asked me "What's on TV?"
I said, "Dust!"
----------------------------------------
In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created Man and rested.
Then God created Woman.
Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.
------------------------------------------
Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.
------------------------------------------
Young Son: "Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts
of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"
Dad: That happens in every country, son.
----------------------------------------
A man inserted an advertisement in the classified:
Wife Wanted." The next day he received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
----------------------------------------
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday
is to forget it once.
----------------------------------------
Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down
the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think
they are beautiful.
-----------------------------------------------
