Office Politics

Discussion in 'Funny Farm' started by ZeroHour, Jan 21, 2005.

  1. ZeroHour

    ZeroHour ho3 ho3 ho3

    Messages:
    1,118
    Location:
    Scotland
    Dear Employees:

    It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals
    throughout the company have been using foul language during the course
    of normal conversation with their co-workers. Due to complaints
    received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of
    language will no longer be tolerated. We do however realize the
    critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when
    communicating with co-workers. Therefore, a list of New and
    Innovative"TRY SAYING" phrases have been provided so that proper exchange ofideas and information can continue in an effective manner.

    1) TRY SAYING:
    I think you could use more training.
    INSTEAD OF:
    You don't know what the f___ you're doing.

    2) TRY SAYING:
    Perhaps I can work late.
    INSTEAD OF: And when the f___ do you expect me to do this?

    3) TRY SAYING:
    I'm certain that isn't feasible.
    INSTEAD OF:
    No f______ way.

    4) TRY SAYING:
    Really?
    INSTEAD OF:
    You've got to be sh__ing me!

    5) TRY SAYING:
    Perhaps you should check with...
    INSTEAD OF:
    Tell someone who gives a sh__.

    6) TRY SAYING:
    I wasn't involved in the project.
    INSTEAD OF:
    It's not my f______ problem.

    7) TRY SAYING:
    That's interesting.
    INSTEAD OF:
    What the f___?

    8) TRY SAYING:
    I'm not sure this can be implemented.
    INSTEAD OF:
    There's no f_____ way this will work.

    10) TRY SAYING:
    I'll try to schedule that.
    INSTEAD OF:
    Why the f_ didn't you tell me sooner?

    11) TRY SAYING:
    He's not familiar with the issues.
    INSTEAD OF:
    He's got his head up his a__.

    12)
    TRY SAYING:
    Excuse me, sir?
    INSTEAD OF:
    Oi, W______

    13) TRY SAYING:
    So you weren't happy with it?
    INSTEAD OF:
    Kiss my a__.

    14) TRY SAYING:
    I don't think you understand.
    INSTEAD OF:
    Shove it up your a__.

    15) TRY SAYING:
    I love a challenge.
    INSTEAD OF:
    This job sucks.

    16) TRY SAYING:
    You want me to take care of that?
    INSTEAD OF:
    Who the f___ died and made you boss?

    17)
    TRY SAYING:
    He's somewhat insensitive.
    INSTEAD OF:
    He's a pr_ck.