My trip to Wal-Mart

Discussion in 'Funny Farm' started by drz01, Feb 12, 2009.

  1. drz01

    drz01 Weekend DJ


    Yesterday I was at my local Wal-Mart buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Biscuit the Wonder Dog, and was in the checkout line when the woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

    What did she think I had, an elephant?

    So since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward, with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

    I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet, and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)

    Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care, because the dog food poisoned me.

    I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's ass, and a car hit us both.

    I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack -- he was laughing so hard. Wal-Mart won't let me shop there anymore.
  2. Johnny

    Johnny .. Commodore .. Political User

    Happy Valley
    lol. That is good ...
  3. American Zombie

    American Zombie Moderator Staff Member Political User

    Forgot to post the last line which is:

    Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of crazy things to say.
  4. Beginning

    Beginning I'm Beginning Somehow...

    Hahahaha....... I almost fell off my chair laughing .... Good one.... :D
  5. greentea

    greentea OSNN Addict