[Movie Review] Kingdom of Heaven

Discussion in 'Entertainment & Sports' started by Sazar, May 7, 2005.

  1. Sazar

    Sazar F@H - Is it in you? Staff Member Political User Folding Team

    Between Austin and Tampa
    Watched this tonite because my significant other is a history buff and there were some really kewl siege scenes.

    The movie itself though, not so kewl.

    The acting was bland, the script was crap and while the cinematography was brilliant, it really could not hide the preposterous nature of the movie.

    While not as utterly atrocious as Troy (aka <insert random Greekish title that supposedly describes something great and make a crap movie>), KoH really suffers from a lack of cohesion.

    The actors are really not at fault I spose because the script is so ridicuously laughable. Much like in Gladiator, Scott's action jumps from scene to scene with no semblance of a segue other than the sweeping vista's he has grown to love. It would appear Ridley Scott has gone from being a director to a postcard maker.

    The primary protagonists as well as the initial characters and their introductory scenes should make it abundantly clear how ridiculous this movie will become. If you wish to waste your money, read on.

    Bloom's character is a black smith whom his father comes to retrieve along with some other big men. Bloom, a blacksmith by trade is a miraculously gifted swordsman who after just a few swings of the blade upgrades himself to almost Jedi status in skill.

    Conveniently everyone is killed to start off with and therein begins Bloom's journey. He will, along with gaining a magical swordplay upgrade, also receive farming upgrade, irrigation upgrade, military tactics upgrade and desert survival skill upgrades.

    The movie is poignant and COULD have been so much more. It preaches tolerance and strives to show that through levelheadedness, peace can be achieved. The two most powerful characters, one christian and one muslim, lead by example and demonstrate commendable attributes.

    It does not help though that all the other religious men are comedic charicatures of mediocrity and loathesome characters. I do not understand the reasoning behind making a movie about religion and its impact on people and then belittling the so-called men of god at every step.

    The final siege sequence is quite brilliant for anyone who has studied siege warfare and even the stupendously unbelieveable ability of Bloom to not only survive but suffer absolutely no ill-effects of his injuries do not detract. The last half an hour is a tolerable experience and almost saves the movie. But the last few minutes of that last half hour again remind the viewer that this is indeed a crap multi-million dollar "postcard" masquerading as a movie.

    I don't usually talk about the movie in detail till others have seen it but I felt bad about not fore-warning people about Troy and have decided that if its crap, it should be called as such.

    Please do not watch this movie unless you have lots of time to waste and money to donate to Ridley Scott.

    1/5 OSNN stars. And I'm being generous.
  2. gonaads

    gonaads Beware the G-Man Political User Folding Team

    The Crusades... No, I don't think so. Killing in the name of God. It's been done to death. Hell, it's being done now in this day and age.

    If I wanna see epic battle scenes I put out my Lord of the Rings DVD.

    Sounds like a Troy clone anyway. And that was bad (my daughters went to that one... thankfully not I). :D
  3. Son Goku

    Son Goku No lover of dogma

    I was debating whether or not to go see this today... In the end, I went and saw House of Wax... It also showed latter, which gave me more time for other stuff...after a night long cram session and just about everything else.

    Given saz's description, I'm glad I didn't go see this tonight.
  4. Tuffgong4

    Tuffgong4 The Donger Need Food!!!! Political User

    saw this movie as well and thought there was no character development and was weak as well.

    BUT the movie is really not about the fight in the name of god but more about the power struggles in the two sides and I thought that was kind of interesting. I also like the fact that muslims were portrayed as honorable and a worthy adversary in the movie.

    A little inaccurate but worth watching once but kind of weak.

    I'm still freaked out by the king of Jerusalem. see the previews or watch the movie and you will know what I mean
  5. ~bk

    ~bk I Political User

    Was it that bad? Some of my friends liked it, pretty much.
  6. Sazar

    Sazar F@H - Is it in you? Staff Member Political User Folding Team

    Between Austin and Tampa
    It is less to do with the crusades and more to do with personal ambitions Gonaads.

    The movie did not have any redeeming values other than the cinematography in my opinion. When something is discombobulated like this, nothing can really pull it out.
  7. gonaads

    gonaads Beware the G-Man Political User Folding Team

    *puts 10 dollar movie money back into pocket*

    *goes and spends on blue neon case cooling fan*

  8. Luna

    Luna OSNN Senior Addict Folding Team

    Houston, Tx
    I saw this movie today, starting to wish I had not. Waste of my time and money :dead:
  9. muzikool

    muzikool Act your wage. Political User

    I just got back from seeing this. Either this thread didn't exist the last time I looked or I just didn't see it beforehand. Either way, it was enjoyable enough thanks to Scott's camera work, and the battle for Jerusalem. There were many holes and some bad dialogue coupled with cliche acting. Too bad... it could have been so much more.
  10. Khayman

    Khayman I'm sorry Hal... Political User Folding Team

    Saw it today. Loved it. Sazar is smokim' crack :)
  11. Sazar

    Sazar F@H - Is it in you? Staff Member Political User Folding Team

    Between Austin and Tampa
    Meh, that's a given :D

    The story being non-existent and so bloody implausible is what pissed me off.
  12. vern

    vern Dominus Political User Folding Team

    Minnesota, USA
    I liked the movie. Considering what I might have been doing if I wasn't watching it, it was time well spent. :laugh: