How to keep a good dose of craziness in your life AT WAL-MART : 1. Get 24 boxes of condoms & randomly put them in peoples carts when they aren't looking. 2. Set all the alarm clocks in house wares to go off at 5 minute intervals. 3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor to the rest rooms. 4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, "Code 3 in house wares,"...and see what happens. 5. Go to the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away. 6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area. 7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from the bedding department. 8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask 'Why can't you people just leave me alone? 9. Look right into the security camera and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose. 10. While handling guns in the hunting department ask the clerk if he knows where the anti- depressants are. 11. Dart around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the theme from 'Mission Impossible'. 12. In the auto department practice your Madonna look using different size funnels. 13. Hide in the clothing rack and when people browse through say 'PICK ME! PICK ME!!!!!!' 14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker assume the foetal position and scream 'NO! NO! It's those voices again'. And last but not least, 15. Go into a fitting room and yell real loudly ... 'Hey! We're out of toilet paper in here!'. AT WORK : 1. At lunch time, sit in your car with sunglasses on and point a hairdryer in the direction of incoming cars. Watch them slow down. 2. Ask for yourself on the intercom. Do not disguise your voice. 3.When someone ask you to do something, ask them if they'd like fries with that. 4. Develop an irrational fear of staplers. 5. Secretly feed decaf in the coffee machine for 3 weeks. When everyone is off caffeine, change for espresso. 6. In the "Description" part of all the bank checks you write, put down "For sexual favours" 7. Always reply to what people say with "That's what you think". 8. Start all your sentences with "According to the prophecy..." 9. Adjust your computer monitor so it lights up all the office. Insist that's how you like it. 10. Stop using punctuation. 11. As often as possible, hop instead of walking. 12. Ask people what gender they are. Laugh hysterically when they answer. 13. Constantly send e-mails to your colleagues describing everything you do. For example : "If someone needs me, I'll be at the toilet, in the 3rd booth". 14. Put a mosquito net around your cubicle and play jungle sounds all day. 15. Say to your boss : "It's not the voices in my head that annoy me, but the voices in YOUR head." 16. When back home, at supper time tell your kids that for financial reasons you'll have to get rid of one of them.