How do you shower?

Discussion in 'Funny Farm' started by Erbmaster, Jul 17, 2003.

  1. Erbmaster

    Erbmaster Moderator Folding Team

    Messages:
    1,195
    Location:
    Middle Of Nowhere - UK
    Got this in an email, and it made me chuckle.
    Not really a joke, but I really wasn't sure where else to put it.

    How many of you can relate to this I wonder :rolleyes:

    Ya don't have to be married, but if yer over puberty, i'm sure the
    penny'll drop as it's pretty generic :D

    HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN

    Take off clothes and place in laundry hamper according to lights,
    darks, whites, man-made or natural.

    Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown.

    If husband seen along the way, cover up any exposed flesh and rush to the bathroom.

    Look at womanly physique in mirror and stick out belly.

    Squeeze legs/a*se to show cellulite.

    Complain and whine to self about getting fat.

    Get in shower. Look for facecloth, arm cloth, loincloth, long loofah, exfoliating gloves, foot grater, wide loofah and pumice stone.

    Wash hair again with Cucumber and Comfrey shampoo with 83 added vitamins.

    Condition hair with Cucumber and Comfrey conditioner with enhanced wild crocus oil. Leave on hair for 15 minutes.

    Wash face with crushed apricot kernel facial scrub for 10 minutes until red raw.

    Wash entire rest of body with Ginger Nut and Jaffa Cake body wash.

    Rinse conditioner off for at least 15 minutes to make sure it has all come off.

    Shave armpits and legs. Consider shaving bikini line but decide to have waxed instead.

    Scream loudly when husband flushes toilet and water turns scalding hot. Turn off shower.

    Squeegee all wet surfaces in shower. Apply bathroom cleaner to mould spots in shower cubicle.

    Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small African country.

    Wrap hair in super absorbent second towel. Check entire body for remotest signs of spots/blemishes. Attack with tweezers/nails.

    Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. If husband seen, cover up any exposed areas, rush into bedroom and spend half an hour getting dressed.



    HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN

    Take off clothes whilst sitting on the bed and leave them in a pile.

    Walk naked to bathroom. If wife seen, shake knob at her whilst
    shouting 'Wey Hey!'

    Look in mirror and suck in gut to admire manly physique.

    Admire size of knob in mirror, scratch b*ll*cks and smell fingers for one last whiff.

    Get in shower. Wash face. Wash armpits. Laugh at how loud f*rt sounds in shower.

    Wash b*ll*cks and surrounding area. Wash a*se and leave p*bic hair on the soap.

    Shampoo hair but do not use conditioner. Make Mohican style with shampoo.

    Pull back curtain to see self in mirror.

    P*ss in shower.

    Rinse off and get out of shower. Fail to notice puddle on floor as
    curtain was outside of bath for duration of shower. Partially dry off.

    Look at self in mirror. Flex muscles and admire size of knob again.

    Leave shower curtain open and wet bath mat on floor. Leave bathroom light and extractor fan on.

    Return to bedroom with towel round waist. If you pass wife, pull off towel, grab knob, go "Yeah baby!' and thrust pelvis at her.

    Put on yesterday's clothes...

    :p :D
     
  2. Krux

    Krux Nissan Powered

    Messages:
    1,649
    your sposed to take your clothes off first?! :confused:
     
  3. ?
    Read it again slower.
     
  4. NetRyder

    NetRyder Tech Junkie Folding Team

    Messages:
    13,256
    Location:
    New York City
    Hahaha...that's hilarious :p
     
  5. Krux

    Krux Nissan Powered

    Messages:
    1,649
    I read it just fine thank you I was making a joke like I didn't know u were suposed to take your clothes off b4 gtting in the shower
     
  6. oh, lol.. I should get some sleep.
     
  7. rushm001

    rushm001 In the beginning...... Political User

    Messages:
    3,480
    Location:
    Norfolk, UK
    You could always ask Jeeves if he would like a nice cold shower!
     
  8. Erbmaster

    Erbmaster Moderator Folding Team

    Messages:
    1,195
    Location:
    Middle Of Nowhere - UK
    :confused: Whatever floats yer boat m8 :p
     
  9. Hematic

    Hematic Guest

  10. draken

    draken Guest

    hahahahahahahahaha nice one that was one of the funiest things ive seen in a long time