High Tech Jargon

Discussion in 'Funny Farm' started by Lukas, Jul 7, 2004.

  1. Lukas

    Lukas Real Name No Gimmicks

    High Tech Jargon

    NEW - Different color from previous design
    ALL NEW - Parts not interchangable with previous design
    EXCLUSIVE - Imported product
    UNMATCHED - Almost as good as the competition
    DESIGNED SIMPLICITY - Manufacturer's cost cut to the bone
    FOOLPROOF OPERATION - No provision for adjustments
    ADVANCED DESIGN - The advertising agency doesn't understand it
    IT'S HERE AT LAST! - Rush job; Nobody knew it was coming
    FIELD-TESTED - Manufacturer lacks test equipment
    HIGH ACCURACY - Unit on which all parts fit
    DIRECT SALES ONLY - Factory had big argument with distributor
    YEARS OF DEVELOPMENT - We finally got one that works
    REVOLUTIONARY - It's different from our competitiors
    BREAKTHROUGH - We finally figured out a way to sell it
    FUTURISTIC - No other reason why it looks the way it does
    DISTINCTIVE - A different shape and color than the others
    MAINTENANCE-FREE - Impossible to fix
    RE-DESIGNED - Previous faults corrected, we hope...
    HAND-CRAFTED - Assembly machines operated without gloves on
    PERFORMANCE PROVEN - Will operate through the warranty period
    MEETS ALL STANDARDS - Ours, not yours
    ALL SOLID-STATE - Heavy as Hell!
    BROADCAST QUALITY - Gives a picture and produces noise
    HIGH RELIABILITY - We made it work long enough to ship it
    SMPTE BUS COMPATABILE - When completed, will be shipped by Greyhound
    NEW GENERATION - Old design failed, mabey this one will work
    MIL-SPEC COMPONENTS - We got a good deal at a government auction
    CUSTOMER SERVICE ACROSS THE COUNTRY - You can return it from most airports
    UNPRECEDENTED PERFORMANCE - Nothing we ever had before worked THIS way
    BUILT TO PRECISION TOLERANCES - We finally got it to fit together
    SATISFACTION GUARANTEED - Manufacturer's, upon cashing your check
    MICROPROCESSOR CONTROLLED - Does things we can't explain
    LATEST AREOSPACE TECHNOLOGY - One of our techs was laid off by Boeing