Funniest One Liners

Discussion in 'Funny Farm' started by belveder, Aug 28, 2003.

  1. belveder

    belveder OSNN Senior Addict

    Messages:
    267
    Location:
    Adelaide, Australia
    Funniest One Liners


    Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm

    Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines

    Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

    I'm not cheap, but I am on special this week

    I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met

    I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol

    I intend to live forever - so far, so good

    I love defenseless animals, especially in a good gravy

    If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

    If you ain't makin' waves, you ain't kickin' hard enough!

    Mental backup in progress - Do Not Disturb!

    Mind Like A Steel Trap - Rusty And Illegal In 37 States

    Quantum Mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of

    Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have

    The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.

    When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

    Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.

    Give a man a free hand and he'll run it all over you.

    If I worked as much as others, I would do as little as they.

    24 hours in a day ... 24 beers in a case ... coincidence?

    If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

    Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.

    Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire.

    Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.

    Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?

    What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

    Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.

    Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.

    Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them.

    Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.

    Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

    Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!

    For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.

    Corduroy pillows: They're making headlines!

    Black holes are where God divided by zero.

    All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.

    I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose.
     
  2. Perris Calderon

    Perris Calderon Moderator Staff Member Political User

    Messages:
    12,332
    Location:
    new york
    /me laughing
     
  3. Geffy

    Geffy Moderator Folding Team

    Messages:
    7,805
    Location:
    United Kingdom
    thank you, I love these, I might add some to my quick quote file on my site
     
  4. Codasmd

    Codasmd Old School XPeriencer

    Messages:
    495
    Location:
    Los Angeles, CA.
    ...so true...
     
  5. chris

    chris Free to Fly

    Messages:
    1,109
    ehehe :D