For all you people not from the UK

Discussion in 'Green Room' started by Bytes Back, May 15, 2002.

  1. Bytes Back

    Bytes Back Ex Police Chief

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  2. madmatt

    madmatt Bow Down to the King Political User

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    hahaha. what?
     
  3. Khayman

    Khayman I'm sorry Hal... Political User Folding Team

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    Good stuff bytes back!
     
  4. damnyank

    damnyank I WILL NOT FORGET 911

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  5. Jewelzz

    Jewelzz OSNN Godlike Veteran

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    Heh, this will come in handy :D
     
  6. Electronic Punk

    Electronic Punk Administrator Staff Member Political User Folding Team

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    Only part of my secret language uses those words.
     
  7. xsivforce

    xsivforce Prodigal Son Folding Team

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    Blimey! I just picked a crusty dragon! I am feeling a bit knackered after that. After some sleep, I will be full of beans. That's what I'm on about. Later, I will be on the piss. Any of you blokes wanna join me in a pint of ale?
     
  8. silent_bob

    silent_bob Guest

    thats the dogz nadz BB!!!

    mayb the americans can do summit similar so we can understand them?!?
     
  9. xsivforce

    xsivforce Prodigal Son Folding Team

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    Here y'all go pardner.
     
  10. silent_bob

    silent_bob Guest

    cheers xs
     
  11. Electronic Punk

    Electronic Punk Administrator Staff Member Political User Folding Team

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    "I will be on the piss"


    I am a northerner so would say "off out ont piss" and swap blokes with lads, and just call it a cheeky pint. "Fancy a cheeky pint before t' lecture"

    Class is over.
     
  12. Ramanuman

    Ramanuman Guest

    Vocabulary is one thing. And luckilly, the only relevent one on a forum like this.

    -For 5 yrs I mainly hung out with ex-pat brits. And if they were representative at all, I'd say there are bigger issues in understanding you guys.

    For 1 thing, it must've taken me 5 months to figure out that "having a conversation with friends" meant only 2 things for you : talking about football (or "footbaw"), and "taking the piss" at each other. :D

    [When I finally got that, I stopped wanting to punch those guys in the face all the time... ;) ]

    Great sense of humour in all that piss-taking though, I must admit. :)
     
  13. Geffy

    Geffy Moderator Folding Team

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    I had this mate in Norway shocking rugby player. On his first day at the school he asked a bird, who was american, for a rubber.

    She slapped him across the face.

    Reason:
    UK
    Rubber is something used to erasing pencil marks (Eraser)

    US
    Rubber is a thing a guy pputs on his shlong (Condom)
     
  14. damnyank

    damnyank I WILL NOT FORGET 911

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    That reminds me of my first trip back to the states with my new English wife:

    You should have seen the expression on my dad's face when I asked my wife for a fag!

    REASON UK
    A fag is a cigarette.

    REASON US
    A fag is someone who is gay.
     
  15. Khayman

    Khayman I'm sorry Hal... Political User Folding Team

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    The best joke about that is in Clerks: The Animated Series. But i have the memory of a fish and can't remember the lines well enough to write them down. But trust me it was funny :)

    This is the sort of situation where I have an advantage over most people, as I have a cross cultural language (i.e. I watch a vast amount of American TV and movies). So I can avoid these pitfalls.

    I was in America last year on holiday and I had to constantly translate for my friend, mainly from English to American so waiters/bar staff etc knew what he was on about. Man that was funny :D
     
  16. Eve

    Eve Guest

    Oooh! I've got a good one for all you people out there that don't understand us Irish people.

    Ireland for Beginners:
    Pub etiquette The crucial thing here is the "round" system, in which each participant takes turns to "shout" an order. To the outsider, this may appear casual; you will not necessarily be told it's your round and other participant may appear only too happy to substitute for you. But make no mistake, your failure to "put your hand in your pocket" will be noticed. People will mention it the moment you leave the room. The reputation will follow you to the grave, where after it will attach to your offspring and possibly theirs as well. In some cases, it may become permanently enshrined in a family nickname.

    Woolly jumpers
    Ireland produces vast quantities of woollen knitwear and, under a US/Irish trade agreement, American visitors may not return to the States without a minimum of two sweaters, of which one at least must be predominantly green. Airline staff may check that you have the required documentation before you are allowed to disembark. Note: under no circumstances will you see an Irish person wearing a woollen jumper. These jumpers are worn solely by Americans to identify them to muggers, thieves and knackers.

    Irish people and the weather
    It is often said that the Irish are a Mediterranean people who only come into their own when the sun shines on consecutive days (which it last did around the time of St Patrick). For this reason, Irish people dress for conditions in Palermo rather than Dublin; and it is not unusual in March to see young people sipping cool beer outside city pubs and cafes, enjoying the air and the soft caress of hailstones on their skin. The Irish attitude to weather is the ultimate triumph of optimism over experience: Every time it rains, we look up at the sky and are shocked and betrayed. Then we go out and buy a new umbrella.

    Ireland has two time-zones
    (1) Greenwich Mean Time and (2) "local" time. Local time can be
    anything between ten minutes and three days behind GMT, depending on the position of the earth and the whereabouts of the man with the keys to the hall. Again, the Irish concept of time has been influenced by the thinking of 20th century physicists, who hold that it can only be measured by reference to another body and can even be affected by factors like acceleration. For instance, a policeman entering a licensed
    premises in rural Ireland late at night is a good example of another body from whom it can be reliably inferred that it is fact closing time. When this happens, acceleration is the advised option. Shockingly, the relativity argument is still not accepted as a valid defence in the Irish courts.

    Irish Dancing
    There are two main kinds of Irish dancing: (1) Riverdance, which is now simultaneously running in every major city in the world except Ulan Bator and which some economists believe is responsible for the Irish economic boom; and (2) real Irish dancing, in which men do not wear frilly blouses and you still may not express yourself, except in a written note to the adjudicators.

    The wearing of the green
    Strangely enough, Irish people tend to wear everything except green, which is associated with too many national tragedies, including 1798, the Famine and the current Irish soccer team. It's possible that green Just doesn't suit the Irish skin colour, which is generally pale blue
    (see Weather).

    Gaelic games
    St Patrick's Day brings the climax of the club championships in
    Gaelic games, which combine elements of the American sports of gridiron and baseball but are played with an intensity more associated with Mafia turf wars. The two main games are "football" and "hurling", the chief difference being that in football, the fights are unarmed. There is also "camogie," which is like hurling, except that in fights the hair may
    be pulled as well.

    Schools rugby
    St Patrick's Day also brings the finals in schools rugby, a game
    based around the skills of wrestling, kicking, gouging, ear-biting, and assaults on other vulnerable body parts. The game is much prized in Ireland's better schools, where it's seen as an ideal grounding for careers in business and the law. It is well-known that St Patrick banished the snakes from Ireland. Less publicised is that he also banished kangaroos, polar bears and Vietnamese pot-bellied pigs, all of which were regarded as nuisances by the early Irish Christians.

    Signposting
    In most countries, road signs are used to help motorists get from one place to another. In Ireland, it's not so simple. Signposting here is heavily influenced by Einstein's theories (either that or the other way round) of space/time, and works on the basis that there is no fixed reference point in the universe, or not west of Mullingar anyway. Instead, location and distance may be different for every observer and, frequently, for neighbouring road-signs. The good news is Language. Ireland is officially bilingual, a fact which is reflected in the road-signs. This allows you to get lost in both Irish and English.

    Clothes
    Visitors to Ireland in mid-March often ask: What clothes should I
    bring? The answer is: All of them!

    Religion
    Ireland remains a deeply religious country, with the two main
    denominations being "us" and "them". In the unlikely event you are asked which group you belong to, the correct answer is: "I'm an atheist, thank God". Then change the subject.
     
  17. Khayman

    Khayman I'm sorry Hal... Political User Folding Team

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