Fly Quantas.

Discussion in 'Funny Farm' started by Kirrie2001, Sep 22, 2002.

  1. Kirrie2001

    Kirrie2001 Guest

    Be proud Hipster. :D :D

    Subject: Fwd: Maintenance Complaints Handled By Qantas.... Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints by Qantas pilots and the corrective action recorded by mechanics. By the way Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.

    P stands for the problem the pilots entered in the log .
    S stands for the corrective action taken by the mechanics.

    P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
    S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

    P: Test flight OK, except autoland very rough.
    S: Autoland not installed on this aircraft.

    P: Something loose in cockpit.
    S: Something tightened in cockpit.

    P: Dead bugs on windshield.
    S: Live bugs on backorder.

    P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200-fpm descent.
    S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

    P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
    S: Evidence removed.

    P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
    S: DME volume set to more believable level.

    P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
    S: That's what they're there for!

    P: IFF inoperative.
    S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

    P: Suspected crack in windscreen.
    S: Suspect you're right.

    P: Number 3 engine missing. (Note: this was for a piston-engined airplane; the pilot meant the engine was not running smoothly)
    S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

    P: Radar hums.
    S: Reprogrammed radar with words.

    P: Mouse in cockpit.
    S: Cat installed

    P: Aircraft handles funny.
    S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

    Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.
  2. Hipster Doofus

    Hipster Doofus Good grief Charlie Brown

    Melbourne Australia
    Now them me likes. :D :D

    It's the only airline the rainman would use.
  3. Nick M

    Nick M Moderator

    That's really funny...
  4. Timuwine

    Timuwine Guest

    Sounds like a bunch of silly mechanics to me :D
  5. Alan

    Alan its only fun

    In a house
    Thats Funny :)

    But which of these airlines would you use ? :)

  6. Smokie

    Smokie A Proud Australian

    Townsville, Qld, Australia
    Slut airway every time..more experienced :)

    Those Qantas mechanics have the typical Aussie humour...always take the mickey out of matter who they are...