even more jokes

Discussion in 'Funny Farm' started by Henyman, Sep 21, 2002.

  1. Henyman

    Henyman Secret Goat Fetish Political User

    jus some jokes 4 ya all:p :p
    please vote in the poll,if ya all like em then i'll add more each day,if u hate em i'll crawl back in to my hole;)

    Top ten reasons not to have sex:

    10. I'd love to honey, but I just banged your sister.

    9. We're out of paper bags for your head again.

    8. You haven't shaved in so long I'm afraid I'd feel I was
    making love to Big Foot.

    7. You're 20 bucks short.

    6. We're out of gin again.

    5. I used my last sponge for the dishes.

    4. Sorry, this isn't a conjugal visit.

    3. I can't tonight, honey, I spent myself earlier today
    watching all those pornos.

    2. Only if you put on this wig and talk like a Chinese hooker.


    And the number 1 excuse to not have sex:

    1. Your gynecologist just called - you still have crabs and
    you know how I don't like seafood.



    Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman
    who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little
    tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what
    it means.
     
  2. Tabula Rasa

    Tabula Rasa Stranger Than Kindness Political User

    Messages:
    3,233
    Location:
    Israel
    Ming lee, suki suki ???

    P.S : will have sex for beer....
     
  3. Hipster Doofus

    Hipster Doofus Good grief Charlie Brown

    Messages:
    5,920
    Location:
    Melbourne Australia
    Hmmmm not lookin good.
     
  4. Jewelzz

    Jewelzz OSNN Godlike Veteran

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    Why did you need a poll?
     
  5. Smokie

    Smokie A Proud Australian

    Messages:
    437
    Location:
    Townsville, Qld, Australia
    henyman, did you do all three yes votes??? I wont tell you what I voted but... go away :)
     
  6. Henyman

    Henyman Secret Goat Fetish Political User

    hmmm were swinging 2 wards naf.....i wanted a poll cus if ppl like em the i will make it a perminant thing + try + post every day.
     
  7. sboulema

    sboulema Moderator

    Messages:
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    Location:
    Amstelveen, The Netherlands
    Henyman like your jokes :D btw its time for a new sig....
     
  8. Henyman

    Henyman Secret Goat Fetish Political User

    :eek: :eek: are u sayin my sig is naff?

    *Henyman goes 2 find xsivforce*

    i will get it changed 2 xp-erince,sum time.......when sum 1 does it 4 me:)
     
  9. sboulema

    sboulema Moderator

    Messages:
    2,846
    Location:
    Amstelveen, The Netherlands
  10. Henyman

    Henyman Secret Goat Fetish Political User

    don't worry i deleted it,jus a kick the modem into working moment..i will delete this 1 soon as u delete urs as well:)
     
  11. Alan

    Alan its only fun

    Messages:
    640
    Location:
    In a house
    Got to tell how I see it,


    Them there jokes are about as funny as a f*rt in a bottle :)

    I'm off now to empty my cookies folder so I can vote again :)

    Laters
    Alan


    [​IMG]
     
  12. Henyman

    Henyman Secret Goat Fetish Political User

    lol i will post some more jokes when i get homw 2nite from skool......probebly be l8 cus i got rugby 2nite as well:D
     
  13. Hipster Doofus

    Hipster Doofus Good grief Charlie Brown

    Messages:
    5,920
    Location:
    Melbourne Australia
    Union or league???
     
  14. Henyman

    Henyman Secret Goat Fetish Political User

    local Team @ mo....we are in sum kinda league...not sure what though....willk find out.
     
  15. Hipster Doofus

    Hipster Doofus Good grief Charlie Brown

    Messages:
    5,920
    Location:
    Melbourne Australia
    lol at Henyman. Ask them if you are playing union or league & get ready to duck. :D
     
  16. Smokie

    Smokie A Proud Australian

    Messages:
    437
    Location:
    Townsville, Qld, Australia
    Henyman must be a milkmaid..plays rugby but not sure what he is playing..now that is a joke :)
     
  17. Henyman

    Henyman Secret Goat Fetish Political User

    i ain't been playing 2 long,i'm there new prop,1st game @ weekend
     
  18. Henyman

    Henyman Secret Goat Fetish Political User

    any how bk 2 the jokes....

    Every newspaper in New York sent a reporter and a staff
    photographer to the office of a local ophthalmologist when it
    was learned that he recently performed a successful sight-
    saving operation on the wife of the country's most celebrated
    pop artist, who, in addition to paying the doctor's usual fee,
    had gratefully insisted on painting one of his contemporary
    masterpieces across an entire wall of the doctor's waiting
    room.

    The mural turned out to be an immense multicolored picture
    of a human eye, in the center of which stood a perfect
    miniature likeness of the good doctor himself.

    While cameras clicked and most of the newsmen
    crowded around the famous artist for his comments, one cub
    reporter drew the eye specialist aside and asked: "Tell me,
    if you can, Doctor-what was your first reaction on seeing this
    fantastic artistic achievement covering an entire wall of your
    office?"

    "To tell the truth," the physician replied, "my first thought
    was, thank goodness I'm not a gynecologist!"

    11 TIPS ON GETTING MORE EFFICIENCY OUT OF WOMEN EMPLOYEES:

    There's no longer any question whether transit companies
    should hire women for jobs formerly held by men. The draft
    and manpower shortage has settled that point. The important
    things now are to select the most efficient women available
    and how to use them to the best advantage. Here are eleven
    helpful tips on the subject from Western Properties:

    1. Pick young married women. They usually have more of a sense
    of responsibility than their unmarried sisters, they are less
    likely to be flirtatious, they need the work or they wouldn't
    be doing it, they still have the pep and interest to work hard
    and to deal with the public efficiently.

    2. When you have to use older women, try to get ones who have
    worked outside the home at some time in their lives. Older
    women who have never contacted the public have a hard time
    adapting themselves and are inclined to be cantankerous and
    fussy. It's always well to impress upon older women the
    importance of friendliness and courtesy.

    3. General experience indicates that "husky" girls - those
    who are just a little on the heavy side - are more even
    tempered and efficient than their underweight sisters.

    4. Retain a physician to give each woman you hire a special
    physical examination - one covering female conditions. This
    step not only protects the property against the possibilities
    of lawsuit, but reveals whether the employee-to-be has any
    female weaknesses which would make her mentally or physically
    unfit for the job.

    5. Stress at the outset the importance of time - the fact that
    a minute or two lost here and there makes serious inroads on
    schedules. Until this point is gotten across, service is likely
    to be slowed up.

    6. Give the female employees a definite day-long schedule of
    duties so that they'll keep busy without bothering the
    management for instructions every few minutes. Numerous
    properties say that women make excellent workers when they
    have their jobs cut out for them, but that they lack initiative
    in finding work themselves.

    7. Whenever possible, let the inside employee change from one
    job to another at some time during the day. Women are inclined
    to be less nervous and happier with change.

    8. Give every girl an adequate number of rest periods during
    the day. You have to make some allowances for feminine
    psychology. A girl has more confidence and is more efficient if
    she can keep her hair tidied, apply fresh lipstick and wash her
    hands several times a day.

    9. Be tactful when issuing instructions or in making criticisms.
    Women are often sensitive; they can't shrug off harsh words the
    way men do. Never ridicule a woman - it breaks her spirit and
    cuts off her efficiency.

    10. Be reasonably considerate about using strong language around
    women. Even though a girl's husband or father may swear
    vociferously, she'll grow to dislike a place of business where
    she hears too much of this.

    11. Get enough size variety in operator's uniforms so that each
    girl can have a proper fit. This point can't be stressed too
    much in keeping women happy.

    This is an excerpt from the July 1943 issue of Mass
    Transportation. This was serious and written for male
    supervisors of women in the work force during World War II--
    a mere 54 years ago.
     
  19. Hipster Doofus

    Hipster Doofus Good grief Charlie Brown

    Messages:
    5,920
    Location:
    Melbourne Australia
    Well that kills this thread. [​IMG]
     
  20. Henyman

    Henyman Secret Goat Fetish Political User

    :( the votes are against me