Dumb Crook Stories

Discussion in 'Funny Farm' started by belveder, Jan 12, 2004.

  1. belveder

    belveder OSNN Senior Addict

    Messages:
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    Location:
    Adelaide, Australia
    Dumb Crook Stories

    BETTER HOLD ON TO THOSE PANTIES...THEY COULD COME IN HANDY

    A repeat offender got a life sentence for a small-time shoplifting caper
    in Jupiter, Florida. The man stole $49.73 worth of boxer shorts,
    panties, a sports bra and some cigarette lighters from a Wal-Mart store.
    His fatal mistake was flashing a knife at a security guard -- which
    turned his petty theft into a felony. Since the man had been released
    from prison less than three years ago, Florida's repeat offender law
    required the judge to send him away for life without the possibility of
    parole.

    INSULT TO INJURY

    An unemployed sanitation worker in Miami is also facing life in prison
    -- for shooting himself in the privates. In a drunken stupor, the man
    reached for a pistol he had hidden in his pants. The gun went off, and
    the bullet struck the man in the... nuggets. At first, he told officers
    someone else had shot him, but changed his story after paramedics found
    the shell casing in his underwear. Cops ruled the shooting accidental,
    but the man was charged with a concealed weapons violation and
    possession of a firearm by a convicted felon. The maximum sentence for
    those crimes is normally 15 years but, because the man has a record as a
    violent career criminal, a Miami prosecutor is asking the judge to send
    him away for life. The man's public defender calls that "ridiculous,"
    and says the man's injury is punishment enough.

    HEY -- WHAT ABOUT MY ACCOMPLICE?

    A luckless thief pleaded guilty to the attempted robbery of a
    convenience store in Detroit Lakes, Minnesota. The thief told a
    passereby he was going to rob the store, gave the man a dollar, and
    asked him to go inside and buy a scarf to hide his identity during the
    crime. The bystander took the dollar, went inside the store... and
    called the police.

    OOPS! OF THE WEEK

    A thief in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina has learned a valuable lesson:
    if you're going to steal restaurant equipment, be sure to remove
    pictures of the original owner's grandchildren before setting the stuff
    up in your own restaurant. John Ubbing, owner of Giovanni's Pizzeria in
    Calabash, North Carolina, lost an assortment of pizza-making equipment
    in a March robbery. A refrigerator stolen in the heist later turned up
    inside the Myrtle Beach restaurant -- where cops found pictures of
    Ubbing's grandchildren still stuck to the side of it. The owner of the
    second restaurant was arrested.

    I TOLDJA COMPUTERS WERE RUINING AMERICA!

    During a high school break-in in Plymouth, North Carolina, two burglars
    found a camera in one of the classrooms and amused themselves by taking
    pictures of each other committing the crime. When they couldn't figure
    out how to get the film out of the camera, they concluded it wasn't
    loaded and left it behind. The men apparently didn't realize they'd been
    fooling around with a digital camera that stores pictures on a computer
    disk. Investigators downloaded the snapshots to a computer and got a
    complete photographic record of the break-in. The suspects were quickly
    arrested.

    I THOUGHT THIS'D BE THE LAST PLACE THEY'D LOOK...!

    A Nevada fugitive wanted on fraud charges was arrested in Connecticut
    after he blew his cover by applying for a job... as a police officer.
    The Connecticut cops discovered the man's fugitive status during a
    standard background check. He had passed both the written and agility
    tests before being found out. Police called the man in to headquarters
    under the guise of getting his fingerprints, and served him with an
    arrest warrant instead.

    AND FINALLY...

    Admitting his 0-4 record is not impressive "on paper," trainers
    announced that Lucky, a German shepherd guide dog for the blind in
    Wuppertal, Germany, is available for his fifth owner. Lucky led his
    first owner in front of a bus, killing him. Then he led the second off
    the end of a pier, drowning him. He nudged his third owner off a railway
    platform in front of an express train, killing him. And he walked his
    fourth owner into heavy traffic, abandoning him to be hit and killed.
    The new owner won't be told of Lucky's record -- the trainers say the
    dog might sense nervousness "and do something silly."
     
  2. SPeedY_B

    SPeedY_B I may actually be insane.

    Messages:
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    Location:
    Midlands, England
    Haha, genius. :D
     
  3. sboulema

    sboulema Moderator

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    Amstelveen, The Netherlands
  4. Erbmaster

    Erbmaster Moderator Folding Team

    Messages:
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    Location:
    Middle Of Nowhere - UK
    :eek: I think "lucky" is a serial murderer, and needs locking up!! :D :p
    Very funny stuff belveder :cool:
     
  5. ming

    ming OSNN Advanced

    Messages:
    4,252
    Location:
    UK
    The dog must have taken revenge after being poked in both eyes by its first owner. :p