Daughter's Letter Home

Discussion in 'Funny Farm' started by belveder, Jan 7, 2004.

  1. belveder

    belveder OSNN Senior Addict

    Messages:
    267
    Location:
    Adelaide, Australia
    Daughter's Letter Home


    Dear Mom and Dad,

    It has now been three months since I left for college. I have been
    remiss in writing this and I am very sorry for my thoughtlessness in not
    having written before. I will bring you up to date now, but before you
    read on, please sit down. YOU ARE NOT TO READ ANY FURTHER UNLESS YOU ARE
    SITTING DOWN. OKAY!

    Well then, I am getting along pretty well now. The skull fracture and
    the concussion I got when I jumped out of the window of my dormitory
    when it caught fire shortly after my arrival are pretty well healed now.
    I only get those sick headaches once a day.

    Fortunately the fire in the dormitory and my jump were witnessed by an
    attendant at the gas station near the dorm, and he was the one who
    called the fire department and the ambulance. He also visited me at the
    hospital and since I had nowhere to live, because of the burned out
    dormitory, he was kind enough to invite me to share his apartment with
    him. It's really a basement room, but it's kind of cute. He is a very
    fine boy and we have fallen deeply in love and are planning to be
    married. We haven't set the exact date yet, but it will be before my
    pregnancy begins to show.

    Yes Mother and Dad, I am pregnant. I know how much you are looking
    forward to being grandparents and I know you will welcome the baby and
    give it the love, devotion and tender care you gave me when I was a
    child. The reason for the delay in our marriage is that my boyfriend has
    some minor infection which prevents us from passing our pre-marital
    blood tests and I carelessly caught it from him. This will soon clear up
    with the penicillin injections I am taking daily.

    I know you will welcome him into our family with open arms. He is kind
    and although not well educated, he is ambitious. Although he is of a
    different race and religion than ours, I know your often expressed
    tolerance will not permit you to be bothered by the fact that his skin
    color is somewhat darker than ours. I am sure you will love him as I do.
    His family background is good too, for I am told that his father is an
    important gun-bearer in the village in Africa from which he came.

    Now that I have brought you up to date, I want to tell you that there
    was no dormitory fire, I did not have a concussion or a skull fracture.
    I was not in the hospital, I am not pregnant, I am not engaged. I do not
    have syphilis and there is no man (of any color) in my life. However, I
    am getting a 'D' in History and an 'F' in Science and I wanted you to
    see those marks in the proper perspective.

    Yours,

    Your Loving Daughter
     
  2. rushm001

    rushm001 In the beginning...... Political User

    Messages:
    3,480
    Location:
    Norfolk, UK
    Lol. I've seen this one before but it is still funny.