Darwin Awards

Discussion in 'Funny Farm' started by Erbmaster, Apr 28, 2003.

  1. Erbmaster

    Erbmaster Moderator Folding Team

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    More of the following can be found at http://www.darwinawards.com/ :rolleyes:

    Note: What I find interesting is that the majority of these happened in the USA.


    Yes, these are all true. They are finally out again. You all know about the
    Darwin Awards. It's an annual honour given to the person who did the gene
    pool the biggest service by killing themselves in the most extraordinarily
    stupid way.

    Last year's winner was the fellow who was killed by a Coke machine which
    toppled over on top of him as he was attempting to tip a free soda out of
    it. And the nominees this year are:

    9. A young Canadian man, searching for a way of getting drunk cheaply,
    because he had no money with which to buy alcohol, mixed gasoline with milk.
    Not surprisingly, this concoction made him ill, and he vomited into the
    fireplace in his house. This resulting explosion and fire burned his house
    down, killing both him and his sister.

    8. A 34-year-old white male found dead in the basement of his home died of
    suffocation, according to police. He was approximately 6' 2" tall and
    weighed 225 pounds. He was wearing a pleated skirt, white bra, black and
    white saddle shoes, and a woman's wig. It appeared that he was trying to
    create a schoolgirl's uniform look. He was also wearing a military gas mask
    that had the filter canister removed and a rubber hose attached in its
    place. The other end of the hose was connected to one end of a hollow tube
    approx. 12" long and 3" in diameter. The tube's other end
    was inserted into his rectum for reasons unknown, and was the cause of his
    suffocation. Police found the task of explaining the circumstances of his
    death to his family very awkward.

    7. Three Brazilian men were flying in a light aircraft at low altitude when
    another plane approached. It appears that they decided to moon the occupants
    of the other plane, but lost control of their own aircraft and crashed. They
    were all found dead in the wreckage with their pants around their ankles.

    6. A police officer in Ohio responded to a 911 call. She had no details
    before arriving, except that someone had reported that his father was not
    breathing. Upon arrival, the officer found the man face down on the couch
    naked. When she rolled him over to check for a pulse and to start
    CPR, she noticed burn marks around his genitals. After the ambulance arrived
    and removed the man - who was declared dead on arrival at the hospital-the
    police made a closer inspection of the couch, and noticed that the man had
    made a hole between the cushions. Upon flipping the couch over, they
    discovered what had caused his death. Apparently, the man had a habit of
    putting his ***** between the cushions, down into the hole and between two
    electrical sanders (with the sandpaper removed, for obvious reasons).
    According to the story, after his orgasm the discharge shorted out one of the sanders, electrocuting him.

    5. A 27-year-old French woman lost control of her car on a highway near
    Marseilles and crashed into a tree, seriously injuring her passenger and
    killing herself. As a commonplace road accident, this would not have
    qualified for a Darwin nomination, were it not for the fact that the
    driver's attention had been distracted by her Tamagotchi key ring, which had
    started urgently beeping for food as she drove along. In an attempt to
    press the correct buttons to save the Tamagotchi's life, the woman lost her
    own.

    4. A 22-year-old, Glade Drive, Reston, VA, man was found dead after he tried
    to use octopus straps to bungee jump off a 70-foot railroad trestle. Fairfax
    County police said Eric Barcia, a fast-food worker, taped a bunch of these
    straps together, wrapped one end around one foot, anchored the other end to
    the trestle at Lake Accotink Park, jumped and hit the pavement.
    Warren Carmichael, a police spokesman, said investigators think Barcia was
    alone because his car was found nearby. "The length of the cord that he had
    assembled was greater than the distance between the trestle and the ground"
    Carmichael said. Police say the apparent cause of death was "Major trauma."

    3. A man in Alabama died from rattlesnake bites. It seems that he and a
    friend were playing a game of catch, using the rattlesnake as a ball. The
    friend, no doubt a future Darwin Awards candidate, was hospitalised.

    2. Employees in a medium-sized warehouse in west Texas noticed the smell of
    a gas leak. Sensibly, management evacuated the building extinguishing all
    potential sources of ignition; lights, power, etc. After the building had
    been evacuated, two technicians from the gas company were dispatched. Upon
    entering the building, they found they had difficulty navigating in the
    dark. To their frustration, none of the lights worked. Witnesses later
    described the sight of one of the technicians reaching into his pocket and
    retrieving an object that resembled a cigarette lighter. Upon operation of
    the lighter like object, the gas in the warehouse exploded, sending pieces
    of it up to three miles away. Nothing was found of the technicians, but the
    lighter was virtually untouched by the explosion. The technician suspected of causing the blast
    had never been thought of as 'bright' by his peers.
    AND THE WINNER.....

    1. Based on a bet by the other members of his threesome, Everitt Sanchez
    tried to wash his own "balls" in a ball washer at the local golf course.
    Proving once again that beer and testosterone are a bad mix, Sanchez managed
    to straddle the ball washer and dangle his scrotum in the machine. Much to
    his dismay, one of his buddies upped the ante by spinning the crank on the
    machine with Sanchez's scrotum in place, thus wedging them solidly in the mechanism.
    Sanchez, who immediately passed his threshold of pain, collapsed and tumbled
    from his perch. Unfortunately for Sanchez, the height of the ball washer was
    more than a foot higher off the ground than his testicles are in a normal
    stance, and the scrotum was the weakest link.
    Sanchez's scrotum was ripped open during the fall, and one testicle was
    plucked from him forever and remained in the ball washer, while the other
    testicle was compressed and flattened as it was pulled between the housing
    of the washer, and the rotating machinery inside. To add insult to injury,
    Sanchez broke a new $300.00 driver that he had just purchased from the pro
    shop, and was using to balance himself. Sanchez was rushed to the hospital
    for surgery, and the remaining threesome were asked to leave the course.

    NB: This last one wouldn't normally count, because the idiot didn't die. But
    because he cannot reproduce as a result of his qualifying act of stupidity,
    we have allowed it.
     
  2. Tabula Rasa

    Tabula Rasa Stranger Than Kindness Political User

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    Doh! [​IMG]
    The last one is painfull... (to read that is, i'm sure they all ain't to pleasant)
     
  3. Sazar

    Sazar F@H - Is it in you? Staff Member Political User Folding Team

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    the term... coitus rippedapartus comes to mind :)

    think twice before fornicating with a ball washer... :D
     
  4. Tabula Rasa

    Tabula Rasa Stranger Than Kindness Political User

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    Nice term :D :p
     
  5. Lighter

    Lighter . . . . . . . . .

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    There should be an award for "Best response to reading the Darwin Awards." Sazar, you'd certainly be nominated. :D
     
  6. blinden

    blinden OSNN Senior Addict

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    with all this... did you ever actually plan on giving the site credit for their work???
     
  7. Lighter

    Lighter . . . . . . . . .

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    For those who don't know, aren't sure or think they have the potential to qualify for the award, the official Darwin Awards site is located at http://www.darwinawards.com/.
     
  8. muzikool

    muzikool Act your wage. Political User

    I find myself lost for words at the moment...
     
  9. Erbmaster

    Erbmaster Moderator Folding Team

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    Didn't even bother to type the url into a browser to check blinden.
    I just received it via e-mail and though it'd raise a few laughs.
    But as Lighter more usefully pointed out, the site has a name.
    If that's where they're from, then I agree they do deserve the link.

    Consider original post updated. ;)
     
  10. blinden

    blinden OSNN Senior Addict

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    i know site, but that doesn't mean everyone does. you need to credit things you post
     
  11. Lighter

    Lighter . . . . . . . . .

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    Hey, credit was given. So it was delayed, the posts were edited with the source info as soon as it was realized. Go easy on 'em...
     
  12. Sazar

    Sazar F@H - Is it in you? Staff Member Political User Folding Team

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    when posting news it is imperative for proper credit to be given...

    it is expected and it is the proper etiquette to do so...

    however when posting in forums... though it is courteous and recommended to link to an article or site whose material is being sourced... it is not required...

    it is appreciated that the original poster did the proper thing and link and kudos to him and blinden... your point is noted.. :)

    recommend everyone who would like to point out something in a threadstarters post of the manner in question to consider using the PM button :)

    now... back to the fun

    this is from the darwin site and I thought it is particularly appropriate for those amongst us who play fps :D
     
  13. Sazar

    Sazar F@H - Is it in you? Staff Member Political User Folding Team

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    another winner...

    lmao... that's just gotta be one of the dumbest ways to go...

    please folks... don't try this @ home...
     
  14. kitct

    kitct Guest

    wa,ha,ha...he,he,he...oh dear,sorry

    Ohh that is rich, Sazar! :cool:
     
  15. Erbmaster

    Erbmaster Moderator Folding Team

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    Everyone including me, until I read Lighter's post. :p :rolleyes: ;)

    Think this one's been put to bed now mate. The link heads the opening post (now). Lesson learnt, wrist slapped.

    Just out of interest. If you post something and don't know it's origin, how can you credit it? Aloof comments don't help. Corrections leads/links do. nuff said.