Content check

Discussion in 'Web Design & Coding' started by LordOfLA, Nov 29, 2006.

  1. LordOfLA

    LordOfLA Godlike!

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    Okay I've filled in the proposed text for the initial page of my hosting site. I've yet to sort out the CSS styling for it, but it's the text I need checking out not how awesomely pretty it won't be :p

    http://www.redmeteor.net/beta/

    Check out the text and let me know if you can think of ways I can improve it and whether or not it would encourage you to either read more or place an order. If it doesn't do either explain what puts you off and what changes might make you read more or go so far as placing an order.

    Their might be discounts on offer for those that help me out especially for folks in the US that would be put off by the strong pound :)

    Thanks!
     
  2. LordOfLA

    LordOfLA Godlike!

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    I haven't formatted it yet :p

    Proof read the text. I explained exactly what I wanted in my original post.
     
  3. Vanquished

    Vanquished Mr. Bananagrabber Political User

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    Sorry.
    Something just isnt going through to me.
    I really cant understand what you're saying.
    Maybe im too tired.
     
  4. LordOfLA

    LordOfLA Godlike!

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    Read the text. Having read said text how do you feel? Does it compel you to read further, place an order, or run as fast as possible screaming at the top of your lungs down the motorway?
     
    Shamus MacNoob likes this.
  5. Vanquished

    Vanquished Mr. Bananagrabber Political User

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    Im sorry, it has nothing to do with your wording.
    Its just not computing with me right now.
    I'll read into it tomorrow after some sleep.
    Thus,
    good night everyone :)
     
  6. LordOfLA

    LordOfLA Godlike!

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    Am I to assume that my content is perfect and just needs formatting to look ugly or?
     
  7. madmatt

    madmatt Bow Down to the King Political User

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    I like the wording. It makes sense. Easy to read.

    I don't think this is proper, even by UK standards.

    Also,

    Should be...?

    Maybe it's just this silly American? But Internet is a proper noun and the use of "have" (first sentence) and "of" doesn't sound right.
     
  8. LordOfLA

    LordOfLA Godlike!

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    "has" instead of "have" there is incredibly bad English, whichever variation you speak. "has" would fit if "staff" wasn't in the sentence. But since I've been calling myself "RedMeteor" only a few months but "digitalEuphoria" since 1999... :)

    I'm not sure that internet should be capitalised as its an object or collection of objects, not a name.

    The other sugestions do come across better, just a touch less informal.
     
  9. Grandmaster

    Grandmaster Electronica Addict Political User Folding Team

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    In general "have" is grammatically correct when used after a plural noun.

    "Has" would be incorrect.
     
  10. falconguard

    falconguard Carbon based lifeform Political User Folding Team

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    You are correct in using "have"

    "has" makes the sentence sound past tense, as all the red meteor staff used to run servers but don't anymore.


    "...have a wealth of experiance with Linux, BSD, and Windows Server operating systems as well as knowledge with cPanel, Plesk, and Directadmin control panels. "

    I would drop " as well as knowledge with" for along with cPanel, Plesk and Directadmin.

    just seems kind of redundant to me.
     
  11. LordOfLA

    LordOfLA Godlike!

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    Okay recommendations taken on board and text updated.

    Fresh comments please :)
     
  12. madmatt

    madmatt Bow Down to the King Political User

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    Professionally speaking... "Spring for a dedicated server and have the whole machine to yourself!" does not sound right.

    "Sign up for a dedicated server and have the whole machine to yourself!"

    I am huge on consistency. I love your quote: "Space. Power. Simplicity." You have it right in the <TITLE> but not in your logo. You forgot the "." at the end of "Simplicity".

    Other than that I think it is a great start.
     
  13. Brad

    Brad Moderator Political User Folding Team

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    I would have used "has" because the staff is considered a singular, not plural entity. If he said the "staffs", have would be correct.
     
  14. LordOfLA

    LordOfLA Godlike!

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    Brad, where on earth did you learn english? Staff is both singluar and plural, depending on what follows it in the sentence.

    e.g:

    Singluar: He was a staff member.
    Plural: There are a lot of staff on shift tonight.
     
  15. Shamus MacNoob

    Shamus MacNoob Moderator Political User

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    He learned english in NC LOLOL ask no further !!!
     
  16. Brad

    Brad Moderator Political User Folding Team

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    http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/staff
     
  17. LordOfLA

    LordOfLA Godlike!

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    staffs is wrong. period.

    if you're talking about sticks its staves as plural and staff as singular.

    When talking about the employees of a company staff is both singular and plural.

    I will fly over there and beat you black and blue if you cannot grasp this simple fact of the english language!

    I mean think about it:

    Redmeteor staffs has been running internet facing servers since 1999.....

    how much sense does that make? The flow is just wrong.
     
  18. Brad

    Brad Moderator Political User Folding Team

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    I wasn't saying add the "S", I was saying "I would have used "has" because the staff is considered a singular, not plural entity"

    learn to read, or I suggest you keep the threats to yourself.
     
  19. LordOfLA

    LordOfLA Godlike!

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    has is wrong following staff in the context of the sentence I've used it in.

    I'd recommend you go take an english refresher...
     
  20. Grandmaster

    Grandmaster Electronica Addict Political User Folding Team

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    Play nice kids.

    LordOfLa: He is just trying to help out man. If you are such a master of the English language, it doesn't make sense to me why you are asking for help then.