Brain Cramps

Discussion in 'Funny Farm' started by Jahya, Feb 25, 2003.

  1. Jahya

    Jahya Guest

    Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?

    Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever."

    --Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.

    "Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids
    all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to
    be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death
    and stuff."

    --Mariah Carey

    "Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your

    --Brooke Shields, during an interview to become Spokesperson
    for federal anti-smoking campaign.

    "I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body,"

    --Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.

    "Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime
    rates in the country,"

    --Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC.

    "I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president."

    --Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents.

    "That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it,"

    --A congressional candidate in Texas.

    "I don't feel we did wrong in taking this great country away from them. There were great numbers of people who needed new land, and the Indians were selfishly trying to keep it for themselves."

    --John Wayne

    "Half this game is ninety percent mental."

    --Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark

    "It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it.

    --Al Gore, Vice President

    "I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix."

    --Dan Quayle

    " It's no exaggeration to say that the undecideds could go one way or another"

    --George Bush, US President

    "We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?"

    --Lee Iacocca

    "I was provided with additional input that was radically different from the truth. I assisted in furthering that version."

    --Colonel Oliver North, from his Iran-Contra testimony.

    "The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."

    --Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.

    "We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people."

    --Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.

    "If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."

    --Bill Clinton, President

    "We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur."

    --Al Gore, VP

    "Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas."

    --Keppel Enderbery

    "Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992
    because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances."

    --Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina

    "If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record."

    --Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman


    ....Feeling smarter yet?
  2. Krux

    Krux Nissan Powered

    I think some on posted these already, but there still funny :D
  3. xsivforce

    xsivforce Prodigal Son Folding Team

    Texas, USA
    Those are very funny! :D :D :D
  4. Whistler74

    Whistler74 Guest

    Oh man! Those are so funny! :D
  5. funky dredd

    funky dredd Moderator

  6. gonaads

    gonaads Beware the G-Man Political User Folding Team

    Man... I better make sure I plug myself in tonight. Don't wanna die without havin a record of it. :p