Another two to ponder over

Discussion in 'Funny Farm' started by Guybrush, Oct 26, 2002.

  1. Guybrush

    Guybrush Village Idiot

    Messages:
    174
    Location:
    Skidby-East Yorkshire
    One day Joe complained to his friend, "My elbow really hurts. I guess I should go to the doctor." His friend offered, "Don't do that, there is a computer at the chemist that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor. Just put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what to do about it.
    It only costs a tenner" Joe figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and paid the £10.00. The computer started making some noises and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause, out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed: YOU HAVE TENNIS ELBOW. SOAK YOU ARM IN WARM SALT WATER. AVOID HEAVY LABOR. IT WILL BE BETTER IN TWO WEEKS.
    Later that evening, while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this machine could be fooled. He decided to give it a try. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog and urine samples from his wife and daughter.
    To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction. He went back to the drug store, located the machine, poured in the sample and deposited £10.00.
    The machine again made the usual noise and printed out the following analysis: YOUR TAP WATER IS TOO HARD - GET A WATER SOFTENER. YOUR DOG HAS WORMS - GIVE HIM WORM PILLS YOUR DAUGHTER IS USING COCAINE - PUT HER IN REHAB. YOUR WIFE IF PREGNANT, TWINS, THEY ARE NOT YOURS - GET A LAWYER. AND IF YOU DON'T STOP JERKING OFF, YOUR ELBOW WILL NEVER GET BETTER.

    Or

    A grasshopper walks into a bar and asks for as pint. As the landlord is pulling the pint he says to the grasshopper "We have a ****tail named after you here." To which the grasshopper replies "What you have got a ****tail named Steve?";)
     
  2. ZAnwar

    ZAnwar Guest

    The first one was good, but I did not get the second one!
     
  3. Detonator

    Detonator OSNN Addict

    Messages:
    105
    I don't get the second one either.First one was good.
     
  4. funky dredd

    funky dredd Moderator

    Messages:
    2,346
    Location:
    Florida
    First one was good...didn't get the second one either.
     
  5. GraLk

    GraLk Guest

    :D Oh come on guys!! :D

    The ****tail would 'normally' have been called a 'Grasshopper', but the 'Grasshoppers' name was 'Steve', so.....


    lmao

    GraLk :D :D
     
  6. cruiser78

    cruiser78 Me

    Messages:
    235
    nope.. still doesn' t make sense
     
  7. djwhite

    djwhite OSNN Senior Addict

    Messages:
    473
    It does so make sense, not terribly funny, but it makes sense
     
  8. Tabula Rasa

    Tabula Rasa Stranger Than Kindness Political User

    Messages:
    3,233
    Location:
    Israel
    I'm just amused by the fact that the word ****tail got ******