americans

Discussion in 'Funny Farm' started by Henyman, Jul 6, 2002.

  1. Henyman

    Henyman Secret Goat Fetish Political User

    this is specially for all u american's out there + 2 save any coment's IT IS ONLY A JOKE:D


    Sensitivity: Confidential
    NOTICE OF REVOCATION OF INDEPENDENCE

    To the citizens of the United States of America,

    In the light of your failure to elect a President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today.

    Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah, which she does not fancy. Your new prime minister (The rt. hon. Tony Blair, MP for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside your borders) will appoint a minister for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

    To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

    1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up "aluminium". Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how incorrectly you have been pronouncing it. Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up "vocabulary". Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. Look up "interspersed".

    2. There is no such thing as "US English". We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. Speaking of technology, all Americans will be required to learn that, although the technical infrastructure of the Internet was originally developed in the U.S., the Web was conceived and implemented by a Brit at CERN in Switzerland. Therefore, henceforth, rt. hon. Tony Blair, MP will be known at the inventor of the Web.

    3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents. It really isn’t that hard.

    4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the good guys.

    5. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen", but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to get confused and give up half way through.

    6. The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football. You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football. Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a difficult game.

    Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby. Rugby is similar to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like nancies. We are hoping to get together at least a US rugby sevens side by 2005.

    7. You should declare war on Quebec and France, using cruise missiles if they give you any merde. The 98.85% of you who were not aware that there is a world outside your borders should look up "Merde" in a French dictionary.

    8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 8th will be a new national holiday, but only in England. It will be called "Indecisive Day".

    9. The 1st amendment will be adjusted to incorporate the following principle: You may say whatever you like as long as it’s true. We realise that this will severely limit advertisers, politicians, realtors and the like.

    10. Henceforth the people of the new British Crown Dependency will be required to take responsibility for their own actions and cease frivolous lawsuits. We realise that this will put 97.5% of lawyers out of work, and suggest that those so inclined follow rule 1. above. Understanding of the meaning of ‘slander’ and ‘libel’ will provide on-going work as 9. above comes into effect.

    Finally, we would like to congratulate you on the vast improvements that you have made in certain areas over the past 224 years. America now produces some of the finest wines of the world, however it may surprise you to know that England has made similar improvements. When the wisdom of this Declaration sinks in, may we suggest that you celebrate, but not with French Champagne! Try www.englishbubbly.com or www.wine-regions-of-the-world.com. After celebrating, may we suggest that a visit to www.all-about-hangovers.com may be in order.

    Thank you for your co-operation, and have a nice day.
     
  2. Iceman

    Iceman Moderator

    Messages:
    2,695
    LMFAO

    good one

    :cool:
     
  3. Henyman

    Henyman Secret Goat Fetish Political User

    thankin u iceman it took fukin ages 2 write:p
     
  4. 2z

    2z OSNN Gamer

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    :D Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha OMG that is so funny :D
    :p
     
  5. Henyman

    Henyman Secret Goat Fetish Political User

    another fan i c:p
     
  6. tinymonkey

    tinymonkey OSNN Addict

    Messages:
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    I'm american, and ill be truthful, thats a good one.
     
  7. 2z

    2z OSNN Gamer

    Messages:
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    You've got no room to talk
    ;)
     
  8. Bytes Back

    Bytes Back Ex Police Chief

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    Didn't find it funny then Catch23 ?
     
  9. Friend of Bill

    Friend of Bill What, me worry?

    Messages:
    1,572
    Great! Tea and crumpets anyone?:D
     
  10. Bytes Back

    Bytes Back Ex Police Chief

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    Wonder which one of those Xsivforce is :rolleyes:

    Your 17, You have no understanding of the world as demonstrated by your numerous arrogant and sarcastic posts.

    1st rule of life

    Live and let live
     
  11. Sazar

    Sazar F@H - Is it in you? Staff Member Political User Folding Team

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    yes I confess I am a hick who can barely read and am over eleventy one years of age...

    what happened in florida need not be brought up again since it helps no one really..

    I will say though mate.. you should add www.sotallytober.com to your list... nothing better than a site that has info on DWINK...

    in the divine words of Ali G. big up yo'self...

    :D
     
  12. Iceman

    Iceman Moderator

    Messages:
    2,695
    catch23, you never stop amazing me, virtually everytime you respond to a post, is another prime example of the old adage. "Better to be thought of as a fool, then to open your mouth and remove all doubt".

    It was a joke, jeez chill. See it for what it is. just a joke.

    :cool:
     
  13. 2z

    2z OSNN Gamer

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    Well said
    ;)
     
  14. PseudoKiller

    PseudoKiller Zug Zug

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    well since I am an American .. I do not recognise anything outside the USA borders.. so who is this Queen thing??

    :D
     
  15. Sazar

    Sazar F@H - Is it in you? Staff Member Political User Folding Team

    Messages:
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    Location:
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    well since bytes opened a can of whoop ass I shall join in catch :)

    your posts are generally totally irrelevant... sure everyone else also jokes around but there is a distinction..

    concerning the old hicks and stuff.. well here it is... the ballots are NOT the friggin same... if they were there would not have been an issue in the first place... heck the ballots were not even the same in different areas in florida... if you had seen it yourself... you might actually understand WHY there was a problem... butterfly ballots are not exactly the most easy things to read...

    do me a favor if no one else... before you post anything inane again... do what a lot of other people do on this site... actually get some background info on what you are posting to prevent yourself looking... well... not so clever...

    btw as the others have said... it was a JOKE..
     
  16. Friend of Bill

    Friend of Bill What, me worry?

    Messages:
    1,572
    When will the Dunhill and Twinnings shipment arrive? Also, can you throw in a Burberry raincoat?
     
  17. Sazar

    Sazar F@H - Is it in you? Staff Member Political User Folding Team

    Messages:
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    eh :) well... you see here... Queen was this group made up of a buncha lads... one of whom was this thing called a fairy in england... and that lads name was Freddy Mercury.... no he was no relation to Pluto Nash...

    so this queen thing now... something to do with music I do so believe... ya... btw... mercury had a bushy moustache...

    the queen thing is generally referred to as that one song that everyone sings at sports arena's and in some movies... WE WILL ROCK YOU... :) yes a quite wonderful Queen thing that...
     
  18. Sazar

    Sazar F@H - Is it in you? Staff Member Political User Folding Team

    Messages:
    14,905
    Location:
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    ??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

    :rolleyes: :confused: :rolleyes:
     
  19. Jewelzz

    Jewelzz OSNN Godlike Veteran

    Messages:
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    Why Why Why...Why does it have to turn into a flame war

    GRRRRRRRRRR

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