- Joined
- 9 Jun 2002
- Messages
- 9,606
this is specially for all u american's out there + 2 save any coment's IT IS ONLY A JOKE
Sensitivity: Confidential
NOTICE OF REVOCATION OF INDEPENDENCE
To the citizens of the United States of America,
In the light of your failure to elect a President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today.
Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah, which she does not fancy. Your new prime minister (The rt. hon. Tony Blair, MP for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside your borders) will appoint a minister for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.
To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:
1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up "aluminium". Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how incorrectly you have been pronouncing it. Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up "vocabulary". Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. Look up "interspersed".
2. There is no such thing as "US English". We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. Speaking of technology, all Americans will be required to learn that, although the technical infrastructure of the Internet was originally developed in the U.S., the Web was conceived and implemented by a Brit at CERN in Switzerland. Therefore, henceforth, rt. hon. Tony Blair, MP will be known at the inventor of the Web.
3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents. It really isn’t that hard.
4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the good guys.
5. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen", but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to get confused and give up half way through.
6. The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football. You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football. Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a difficult game.
Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby. Rugby is similar to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like nancies. We are hoping to get together at least a US rugby sevens side by 2005.
7. You should declare war on Quebec and France, using cruise missiles if they give you any merde. The 98.85% of you who were not aware that there is a world outside your borders should look up "Merde" in a French dictionary.
8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 8th will be a new national holiday, but only in England. It will be called "Indecisive Day".
9. The 1st amendment will be adjusted to incorporate the following principle: You may say whatever you like as long as it’s true. We realise that this will severely limit advertisers, politicians, realtors and the like.
10. Henceforth the people of the new British Crown Dependency will be required to take responsibility for their own actions and cease frivolous lawsuits. We realise that this will put 97.5% of lawyers out of work, and suggest that those so inclined follow rule 1. above. Understanding of the meaning of ‘slander’ and ‘libel’ will provide on-going work as 9. above comes into effect.
Finally, we would like to congratulate you on the vast improvements that you have made in certain areas over the past 224 years. America now produces some of the finest wines of the world, however it may surprise you to know that England has made similar improvements. When the wisdom of this Declaration sinks in, may we suggest that you celebrate, but not with French Champagne! Try www.englishbubbly.com or www.wine-regions-of-the-world.com. After celebrating, may we suggest that a visit to www.all-about-hangovers.com may be in order.
Thank you for your co-operation, and have a nice day.
Sensitivity: Confidential
NOTICE OF REVOCATION OF INDEPENDENCE
To the citizens of the United States of America,
In the light of your failure to elect a President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today.
Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah, which she does not fancy. Your new prime minister (The rt. hon. Tony Blair, MP for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside your borders) will appoint a minister for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.
To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:
1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up "aluminium". Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how incorrectly you have been pronouncing it. Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up "vocabulary". Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. Look up "interspersed".
2. There is no such thing as "US English". We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. Speaking of technology, all Americans will be required to learn that, although the technical infrastructure of the Internet was originally developed in the U.S., the Web was conceived and implemented by a Brit at CERN in Switzerland. Therefore, henceforth, rt. hon. Tony Blair, MP will be known at the inventor of the Web.
3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents. It really isn’t that hard.
4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the good guys.
5. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen", but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to get confused and give up half way through.
6. The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football. You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football. Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a difficult game.
Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby. Rugby is similar to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like nancies. We are hoping to get together at least a US rugby sevens side by 2005.
7. You should declare war on Quebec and France, using cruise missiles if they give you any merde. The 98.85% of you who were not aware that there is a world outside your borders should look up "Merde" in a French dictionary.
8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 8th will be a new national holiday, but only in England. It will be called "Indecisive Day".
9. The 1st amendment will be adjusted to incorporate the following principle: You may say whatever you like as long as it’s true. We realise that this will severely limit advertisers, politicians, realtors and the like.
10. Henceforth the people of the new British Crown Dependency will be required to take responsibility for their own actions and cease frivolous lawsuits. We realise that this will put 97.5% of lawyers out of work, and suggest that those so inclined follow rule 1. above. Understanding of the meaning of ‘slander’ and ‘libel’ will provide on-going work as 9. above comes into effect.
Finally, we would like to congratulate you on the vast improvements that you have made in certain areas over the past 224 years. America now produces some of the finest wines of the world, however it may surprise you to know that England has made similar improvements. When the wisdom of this Declaration sinks in, may we suggest that you celebrate, but not with French Champagne! Try www.englishbubbly.com or www.wine-regions-of-the-world.com. After celebrating, may we suggest that a visit to www.all-about-hangovers.com may be in order.
Thank you for your co-operation, and have a nice day.
