Airline Ground Crew Mechanics

Discussion in 'Green Room' started by gonaads, May 21, 2003.

  1. gonaads

    gonaads Beware the G-Man Political User Folding Team

    Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of
    humor. Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints by QANTAS
    pilots and the corrective action recorded by mechanics. By the way,
    Qantas is supposedly the only major airline that has never had an
    accident.

    (P stands for the Problem the pilots entered in the log,
    and S stands for the Corrective Action taken by the mechanics).

    P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
    S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

    P: Test flight OK, except autoland very rough.
    S: Autoland not installed on this aircraft.

    P: Something loose in cockpit.
    S: Something tightened in cockpit.

    P: Dead bugs on windshield.
    S: Live bugs on backorder.

    P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200-fpm
    descent.
    S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

    P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
    S: Evidence removed.

    P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
    S: DME volume set to more believable level.

    P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
    S: That's what they're there for!

    P: IFF inoperative.
    S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

    P: Suspected crack in windscreen.
    S: Suspect you're right.

    P: Number 3 engine missing. (Note: this was for a piston-engined
    airplane; the pilot meant the engine was not running smoothly)
    S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

    P: Aircraft handles funny.
    S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

    P: Radar hums.
    S: Reprogrammed radar with words.

    P: Mouse in cockpit.
    S: Cat installed.
     
  2. sboulema

    sboulema Moderator

    Messages:
    2,846
    Location:
    Amstelveen, The Netherlands
    hahhaha lol :happy:
     
  3. Geffy

    Geffy Moderator Folding Team

    Messages:
    7,805
    Location:
    United Kingdom
    classics
     
  4. Codasmd

    Codasmd Old School XPeriencer

    Messages:
    495
    Location:
    Los Angeles, CA.
    Very funny.

    Fav's:

    P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
    S: Evidence removed.



    P: Aircraft handles funny.
    S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
     
  5. slimboyfat

    slimboyfat Guest

    All good'uns, and I think that they are probably true for all airlines
     
  6. damnyank

    damnyank I WILL NOT FORGET 911

    Messages:
    2,359
    Location:
    Petal, Mississippi
    These are funny - but:

    P: IFF inoperative.
    S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

    This Identification Friend or Foe (IFF) has been hinted at as the cause of some "friendly fire" incidents during the recent "war". In other words it was hinted that there was "no response" and thus the aircraft could not be identified as either friend or foe - so they shot it down (which is normal procedure)!

    When I was stationed at RAF Upper Heyford we had to do IFF checks as soon as the aircraft left the ground - to ensure they had IFF turned on and it was properly coded!